Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I was with my child's father for 2 years, we were engaged. He ended the engagement when our son turned 7 months old. I was in such a depression after it happened that I went on meds and did outpatient therapy at a hospital. A few months later he decided to "try" again with me, but it wasn't even a try there was always a "friend" he would talk to, when the try tell through he dated her briefly. She is now divorced from husband number 3, has 4 kids, oldest is 18 and joined the marines, the next one the father keeps and her youngest kids are 4 and 6. Now during the time they were dating he and I were still having sex, even after they broke up we continued, we have good days and bad days but recently I've noticed he is spending more time with her again. His birthday was last week and she gave him a very affectionate card that I saw on the floor when I picked up our son the other day, he said it's nothing but here's the thing: why does she get to do that? Why does she get to be on his Facebook and publicly express feelings towards him? I finally told him that he is giving she and I different sides of him and it's not fair. He finally told me he's conflicted and doesn't know what he wants. I have been in long relationships and have even been married, but this one is the first one I've wanted actual forever with. I'm in a deeper depression now than the first time. I don't know how to do this or how to let go. I don't want to share but if he's sure we are completely done then I need to literally move(small town). I'm so lost.
I think it is important that you continue on your therapy and tell the counsellor all of this. Other people in this forum will be better poised to advice you or even to listen to you, but I think the current state of this relationship is not helpful for you. He needs to sort himself out, and you should not be around him while he does that, it makes you feel undervalued and it can eventually be hurtful to your son as well. Often we want that person to choose us not really because we want to be with them, but because we want to feel that we were the best choice, that we are worth it. We need to be stronger than this, and find the strength to value ourselves within ourselves and with how our friends and family worry and care about us. I care about you too, and I don't even know you =)
Maybe he's genuinely confused, maybe he's playing you, or maybe she really doesn't mean anything but he just can't get away from her; whatever the situation, it's not helpful for you right now, and you need to remove yourself from it completely.
Whether you physically need to move to another town, I can't really say. It can certainly be helpful and if you see you're at risk of becoming severely depressed again then it's not worth it to even bother pondering the options, just do move out. But I suggest you first try completely cutting away from him (and from Facebook and other social media for a good while. Come on, go and log out RIGHT NOW and don't go back "today"), seriously talk with a therapist to see how you move on, and take it from there, one day at a time.
You can make it out of this mentally, and I think it can be a good first step to make it out physically. It is of course your decision in the end, but don't let a break up with him feel like a failure about yourself, you don't need him to choose you in order to be valuable. You ARE valuable on you own!!!
I send you a big hug!!!
We will be fine, we will both be fine. It may be hard to see it right now but we will be! =)
Don't settle for less than you deserve. You can't make someone care about something they don't.
When depressed, letting go is hard, but necessary. Having experienced very similar depressions twice in my life, there are some valuable life lessons to be learned through counseling, family & friends.
Continue to reach out, continue seeking wisdom through therapy & self analysis, continue to let go of the issues (persons, places & beliefs) holding you in that wretched state, and rise. Rise to your best future.