OMG! That was so powerful. I agree with you I hope and pray that we will all be there some day. I think I'm half way there. Life has been a struggle for me and my two girls but I believe that we are happier than we were with my EX. I'm thankful he was such a prick. I'm enjoying my life inspite of the struggles and I'm living it the way that makes me happy. Thanks for sharing.

That is awesome and if I ever marry again I believe I would love to write a letter to my ex but never send it. I am also very grateful that my life turned out the way it did because it made me who I am today and that is a living person. I was simply existing not enjoying life at all. I have made up for the lost time in the past couple of years. Life is wonderful and I will never take one single moment for granted. Thanks for sharing.

I think that letter is a great example of why I can't and won't hate my STBX wife. I may never know her exact reasons for leaving or why she no longer loves me, but I won't forget the good years and good times we had. And as I move forward and hope to find someone again (way down the road!), I can use some of the things I've learned about myself during this hard time that I may have never understoof had we stayed together.

Thanks for the link. I love it when people do that. I've found more helpful sites that way than any searching on Google could do!

She remarried 4 years after her first husband and wrote her first husband the blistering letter above apparently just before the second wedding. She even said her first husband had been much on her mind. She even wrote a book about him and her marriage.

It took me 8 years after my first marriage to remarry. I didn't even think of my first husband (he had hit the 2 month old infant and the baby and I left him for good) nor did I even consider writing a letter to him when I was getting married again. We weren't friends and he didn't visit his child and had stopped paying support several months after I left him. So he didn't even enter my thoughts. Maybe because I was over him.

I personally wouldn't suggest to anyone going into remarriage to write letters to their first husbands. Your new husband might not appreciate it since your focus would normally be on him, but I would hope your issues with your ex would have been closed and not a part of your thoughts.

My concern would be if you have to write that letter and bring it up right prior to your second marriage, maybe you haven't let the first marriage go and you're not "over it." Maybe consider holding off on the second marriage until you don't need to send that letter to the ex.

That letter is still like the umbilical cord to the first husband that you didn't cut long ago when you should have. Write the letter and BURN IT and you'll still feel really good.

A good example of how a spouse, or a marriage, or a divorce does not define what we are, it just a part of what we are. Failed marriages become just a part of our history. Thanks for posting the link.

Where is it written you have to hate your EX?

(((HUGS))))

I will be thankful, not only for the good but MOSTLY for the bad. I think I have been very naive, thought i had my whole life planned. We should all be thankful in some way because it will make us stronger people, and it will prepare us to endure anything. I will also write a letter, but probably never give it to him

I agree MISRED.... I do not hate, love this article. I am doing the exact same thing. Let the break up motivate me. Someone else will appreciate me.

This does bring up a question I've wondered about- why does acknowledging those past times mean one is "not over" the prior relationship? And why is that necessarily unhealthy?

Just as an example, if I get remarried down the road, I would think it would be impossible to NOT think of my ex, even on the wedding day. Our marriage lasted 18 years before we separated, and honestly only the last couple were not good. I would argue that for me to not give my prior marriage a second thought would be unhealthy. What happened with the first marriage does have a direct bearing on why there is a second one.

I would want to make sure that the person in that honeymoon bed is clearly thinking about me and him and not about the ex. Every bridge wants the wedding to be their moment and not a threesome.