Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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IamAFoolForYou 09/12/2016

This is quite lengthy so stay with me.

My heart feels destroyed. I have been with a guy named Matthew for five years. Matthew and I started dating at 17 and we got a home together and got animals to make a family. Well, I suffer from severe depression bipolar. I have horrible mood swings. Matthew left me almost a month ago because we argued too much. He wanted to start over new with someone else. We got into a fight that day and he told me he is done with me, and up and left. I ended up leaving because he was hanging with his coworker and talking to her just two days later. It broke me. I moved to VA to get away from painful memories, he called me crying the next weekend because he saw I purchased a ticket to Oregon. He was crying and felt guitly because he slepted with that coworker...he destroyed me right there. How could he do that? HOw could he sleep with someone so soon? I told I will forgive him if he came with me with me to Oregon in a few months after I healed. He told me he will think about it...Next day...he chooses her. He told me he is happy with her... What? He is making no sense! I feel so destroyed and damaged. My whole world crashed. I lost my home, my animals, my sense of security...the love of my life! I am barely holding on... I know I messed up and didn't treat him the best with my horribles words, because my mood swings are crazy. But, I love him with all of my heart. I wanted us to grow up and build a better life, and I wanted that in Oregon.. He is too scared to leave his family and friends but it isnt a good city to live in( WV) . He wont take me back or come out here. He would rather be with her.. A week before we broke up, we were doing amazing. Full of love and fun. One horrible arguement pushed him out the door forever.

How do I deal with the pain of being the reason he left? I understand why he ended things. I do. I was cruel. I made mistakes and pushed him away. BUt, I want us back. I wanna change for him.

He won't give me a chance. So, how do I get past all this horrible pain? I am crying everyday. Even hiking and walking everywhere doesn't help. My chest hurts so bad. I miss him so much. We had a wonderful 5 fives with rocky patches. But when it was good, it was amazing. We werelike best friends AND lovers... We always had fun and laugh and good intimacy. We just argued so much..

MendingAgain 09/12/2016

I'm sorry your in so much pain. It is devastating to see the one we love walk out of our lives, to make it worse to go with someone else. All I can say is, be gentle with yourself, I don't believe a guy is gonna go after another woman just because u argued, it had to be going on for somwtime, it just doesn't happen that quickly, however I could be wrong. Five years is a long time to just get up and walk away, but it happens, don't blame yourself it takes two people to make things work, ur not 100% responsible. Take care of yourself and try to be around family and get some rest. Hugs.

IamAFoolForYou 09/12/2016

He is super insecure , he said I always made him feel not good enough.. and thats true.. He never made goals for us and I always berated him for that. I always threw his past mistakes in his face. He told me he wouldnt have done anything with her if he didnt think that I did. His brother told him I was talking and messing with other guys. I guess Matthew wanted to feel loved and wanted because I didnt do a good job in that part. I admit. I wish he didnt choose her over me because I moved far away. He betrayed me. He even admitted to flirting with her the last few weeks because of me treating him like crap and not good enough. He felt so pushed away. He was lining her up because he knew we were gonna keep fighting and breaking up...
I wish I treated him better because it hurts so much. I am so in love with him, and I messed up and push him out the door... I was so cruel...

IamAFoolForYou 09/12/2016

my mental illness destroyed the best thing to ever happen to me.... i hate myself. I caused this much pain. I caused him pain, and pushed him away and made him feel like shit that he felt that he has to do this.... I wanna make it better. I want this pain gone, and him back...I have been trying everything to move on...but I keep sinking back into wanting him.

ChiTownBear 09/12/2016

It takes a special kind of "something" in order to be in a relationship with someone who has a disorder. Some people think they have the strength for both, in order to maintain a relationship, but many find, it isn't for them. They aren't strong enough and really can not do what needs to be done to be with that special person.

WV and VA suck in general. Both states stuck the life out of anyone, especially VA. Its not a friendly place to be and can make someone with your issues, even worse.

I don't have any answers for why he did what he did or what you can do at this point, except to move forward now that he has slept with someone else. Because you have to ask yourself if he is someone you want to be with? Someone who obviously isnt compatible with your illness not to mention, he is quick to turn tail and be with someone else. if he did it once, he will do it again and maybe more then again. Once it is done, it just becomes easier for someone to continue the behavior.

So the best advice I have for you is to get on the plane and go be around people who care about you. Surround yourself with positivity regardless of what he is doing. I don't believe, even if he went with you, things would be Ok, cus you will always know he was with someone else and I don't believe you will be able to let that go. Which will not be good for the relationship to recover let alone grow.

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