Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Left all alone sick and depressed

Loyal_100
Loyal_100

I was with my partner fir 14 years I am 32 years old and he was my everything! And I got sick a few years ago to the point where I wasn't t able to walk due to a botched surgery and diabetes... So when I got sick he wasn't able to care for me and our 4 children which our youngest is autistic and non-verbal so my mother moved in with us... He was having difficulty finding a job and I was carrying everything until I got sick and the antibiotics the doctor gave me after surgery gave me nerve damage and I have severe pain all over from it and it tightened up my tendons and destroyed my ability to walk... And my mother really became a problem for us and I just kept asking him to take over so that I could tell her to leave... But he wouldn't and he decided that he needed to move out and work on hinself... So he moved in with a Aunt and he still spent all of his time with me and kids and I supported him through all of this..  And after a few months he started coming over less and then one day he just said that he didnt want to be with me or anyone anymore. And on top of my bad health i lost my father and a uncle who was a second father to me and he left me all alone to drown in it... He came back around when his Auntie got sick and passed away and I found out at the hospital that he had been moved on from me during the time that he left and he was there with her... And when we spoke he said he wasn't happy and that he missed me and the kids so he started to come back over and we all became close again... My children were happy again and we all just told him we wanted him to come back home... He was here everyday until like 4 am and he was laying up under me telling me that he misses me and that he will always love me and he will never let me go and kissing me and holding me... It was everything that I wanted to hear... So I asked him why want he just move back home when I moved into my new place and he said he would think about it because he didnt want to fight... And I said my mother wouldn't be there we wouldn't fight you said you love me and you miss me all of the time! And so then I found out that he had been living with this girl since his auntie got sick and he brought her to the funeral and we fell out again because I thought he made me look like a fool! I understand that he needed a place to stay but he told me that she woyldnt be there and he did spend all of his time with us at the funeral but he hid her from me the whole time until I spotted her at the end... Then we fell out again because he got upset with me because I was upset about how I felt at the funeral and he told me he was only saying that he loved me and still cared so he could see the children and that hurt me to the core... Because I told him before if this relationship isn't what he wanted I would start making myself scarce when he came over to see them because it hurt too much to see him and he wasn't mine and he said no he didnt want that he loved me... This is the only man that I have ever loved and my whole life has changed and he left me and Idk how to move on without him i know I should but my heart keeps telling me not too. And I can't walk so I am now disabled and all I have to do is sit and think about it... So today I reached out to tell him that the 3 youngest kids want to see him again because they were really hurt about the whole ordeal but I told them to forgive their father I don't want them to have hate in their hearts... And he said ok he would come Friday its been a month and a half since they last saw him... And I just started crying at the thought of him coming over... Im so tired of being hurt Idk what to do... I started therapy last month but I still feel so lost... I just don't know if he loves me or if he ever did now...

Nick2017
Nick2017
so sad to hear your story. the other woman (or man) always throws all logic and reasons out of the window. and it is covered up by some lime excuses or reverse accusations. it is unfortunate that such injection can ruin a lifetime of work and a healthy relationship. all I can say is don't depend on people who hurt you. he is looking for his own wellbeing. aND unfortunately he sees it somewhere else. people are selfish.
Loyal_100
Loyal_100
Yes and it is so hard for me to let go because he is all that I have ever known and I made my whole life with him... It just hurts terribly and I still have to have him in my life because of our children... I wish I could just try to move on without him around me at all especially while I am sick and weak... Thank you so much for your response it is greatly appreciated...
SuZQ
SuZQ
You have been through so much! Even though you are unsure if reconciliation is reasonable or possible, you have a heart to love and forgive, even when you are physically and emotionally hurting. That is amazing and admirable! Therapy can be a good first step to help heal your hurts. Do you feel it is the right therapy for you? Would you be open to family counseling or connecting with other support groups, possibly through a church? Praying for you to find the right “therapy.”
Sara121
Sara121
Therapy and other methods are time consuming that's why it's sometimes difficult to see the immediate effect, what you are going through will take time to overcome and figure out, in my opinion the first step is to acknowledge that it will take time, the next is to take each day as it comes. You mentioned that you offered to make yourself scarce on a previous occasion, see if this is possible to do ..it is important to think of you and what's best for you, if you had a friend or someone you care for going through the exact same situation as you what would you advise?
Loyal_100
Loyal_100
SuZQ thank you so much for your response I feel like you truly understood me through my post... I feel like I am doing all of those things but its just so hard to get away because I am physically bonded to the house but even when I would sit in my room for his visits he would still make a way to come back there and see me... I do wish that he would consider therapy but its just so hard for him to be open to anything like that... So I am going and just trying to work on myself and I am trying to get my kids involved into some therapy as well... I have loved him since I was 18 and he is the only man that I have known. I am now 33 in May and it all just completely breaks me down and Im not usually so easily broken... But him and the physical is just too much on me at once...
Loyal_100
Loyal_100
Sara121 I have had plenty of friends go through a lot and I am the empathy friend in my circle so usually I encourage them that if they love the person then to try every outlet possible to fix it... I tell them i am never here to judge and that they will always have my love and support... Everyone loves someone but everyone doesn't love the same... And I say people give up too quick sometimes so I encourage people to fight and at the same time to figure yourself out as well... I feel like in most situations you shouldn't always point the finger but figure out what you could've done differently as well... And I am a strong believer in trying to fill up all of the empty spaces because that's when the pain hits the most...
Sara121
Sara121
I understand, you're truly strong for going through what you have and still having an open heart and caring for him, after the ordeal you have been through i'm not sure many people could stick by/ would see walking away as giving up. If you were to decide you deserve better than to feel this way people would understand, you're true friends would support you through and not judge.