I can relate to your situation somewhat. Although my husband and I were not in the same house, I often felt the presence of his OW. He often lied to me about when he would be with her etc. I kept my mouth shut and it really hurt me. But I had a reason to keep my mouth shut and that reason out weighed the relief I would have felt saying something. We were in the process of selling a property that he promised me would pay for some debt that we jointly made together. After he left, he made some comments about just splitting the proceeds instead of giving me the majority of it. So I had to be nice, plaster a smile on my face and keep my mouth shut. It was so hard. But in the end, it all worked the way I wanted it to and the financial security I now feel was worth the pain it caused me the many months it took to sell the property. Now I can say what I want and never have to worry about keeping my mouth shut. I am respectful, but I don't keep my mouth shut anymore.
So I think you have to determine if there is a reason you need to keep your mouth shut. Do you need something from him more than you need your peace of mind? If you don't, then address the situation. You can still do it respectfully. Make it known what your boundaries are as far as the OW is concerned. Perhaps bring up that it is time for him to move out if that is a possibility. Set some rules and let him know that he doesn't need to hide it from you. What ever you feel you want to get off your chest.
Now that I am in a position that if my husband disappeared and never gave me another cent his entire life and I would be fine, I am able to speak my mind. I let him know that I don't want the OW around my kids, I let him know when she does something stupid like leave her shit around his apartment. I am so much better off.
Hang in there. When is the divorce final? When can you live in separate places?

be careful your not letting him have his cake and eat it too.. your no longer his wife.. and if you can't live in separate spaces, you need to establish some ground rules for your own sanity.. you absolutely should NOT be doing his laundry for him! you shouldn't be cleaning his space.. you should not be his live in maid.. you share children which will complicate drawing a solid line of mine/yours.. but you need something drawn!

he can't expect his home life not to change.. you should stand up for yourself absolutely, and like broken said.. unless your shutting your mouth to keep the peace until a goal is achieved.. but honestly if your just trying to 'keep the peace', since you have to continue living in the same house, I'd definitely speak my mind.. and get some rules on the table.. its called respect, and he obviously has no respect for you being his ex.. but he WILL respect you as a person, THATS not an option, dont let it be one.. your daughter probably just doesn't want you two too fight.. and thats understandable.. but your NOT a door mat.. dont let him treat you like one.. best of luck

Thanks! Well, our divorce is final the end of August, it will be pretty much cut and dried I am sure by a judge, so expecting nothing but what the laws allows. I thought we could live in separate places all along, all he had to do was walk out the door,( I think someone is advising him, I do not think that possession is 9/10 of the law anymore) I am not going anywhere with our boys...that too should be a respect thing.

And well, don't do the laundry....ANYMORE!!!

I actually did speak my mind about an hour ago (nicely!), and just let him know that he should have SOME compassion left to understand how I would feel like there is OW and how it hurts and with his actions, and that he should understand me wanting to say the things I do when I am angry and hurt... who would not think the same thing...he said I am banging my head against the wall.....he still won't actually say there is OW, and I did say, it doesn't matter if you admit it now, and it isn't like I can hold it against him for anything...

And yes, respect which sadly he has lost that also...what I have always told him through all of this, if you feel like there has to be someone else, please have the respect to just go...so I am torn because I want to believe SO BAD that there is not OW but....

I totally agree with broken & mynew!

By telling him saying you are banging your head against a brick wall, telling him anything will have no affect on him. So make your decision about saying something or not solely based on what it will do for you.

Possession/staying in the house, when it comes to divorce, at least in some states, definitely can make a difference. You might want to check with your attorney about that. That may be why he's staying.

~healing hugs~

I cannot imagine what it would be like to be in the same house with my stbx while we are in the process of divorce. Just thinking about it curdles my stomach.

It will not do any good to say anything to him about what you know or suspect, as you found out. There is no point to it, so why put yourself in a position to be hurt? Soon (but not soon enough!) you two will be in two different homes and you won't know what he is doing. Try not to think about what he is doing. You are getting a divorce. Don't let what he is doing bother you. Focus on you and how you can heal. For sure, set your personal boundaries, but talking to him about any issues related to OW or your suspicions is futile.