Can you guys go out to dinner and talk, maybe go to movie afterwards? At twelve, he knows a lot of what's going on. Talk it out with him, don't hold back (for the most part), then go have some fun.


Is there a school counselor he could talk to?

Wow, that's tough age. Have you considered counseling for him? Unfortunately, the closer kids get to the teen years, the more ego-centered they become. Likely he sees this divorce only in terms of how it has affected his life, and has not looked at how it has affected the entire family.

Does he blame you for the divorce? Does he blame his mother?

I would really suggest counseling to help him work through things.

Good luck! I teach teens--they can be quite a handful.

First and foremost -

He needs to understand its not...his...fault.

Children will blame themselves thinking that their parents' problems were caused somehow by them and their guilt will cause them to act out in different ways. Make it very clear to him and your daughter as well, even though she is handling it better) that he was in no way responsible for you two separating. My son tends to act out as well, and this is par for the course. But in the grand scheme of things he will understand that he played no role in what happened.

All the best to you and your children!

Tell him it's ok to hurt and have mixed feelings about everything. But go on to say that there are limits to how he can express himself.

Hugs. I've dealt with this myself.

have you tried any of the DC4K programs (that's divorce care for kids). there are some around Wisconsin here. It has helped my youngest although we're not getting divorced, just separated.

Hugs hugs hugs, understanding, counseling and more counseling...

My boy was 10 when this happened and had the roughest out both my kids... my girl was 15 at the time and handled the situation very well... but my boy did and still does have his moments, he does know how to use this divorce to drive wedges... Group counseling helped the best, but out of the wisdom of the insurance company said that this was unnecessary and quit helping pay... UGH! I really hate insurance companies... but that is a different story..

Lots of hugs, understanding, talking, one on one time along with family time the best you can, and counseling is my advise to you...
best of luck to you my friend.

Thank you for your comments and after dinner the two of us are going for a walk, we are then gonna watch simpsons and the movie wild things, they are both going to counseling and the counseler said they were doing pretty good. My ex has a boyfriend and that has seemed to bother my boy more and more, I think that is part of the issue here he was thinking that mom and boyfriend would not be around as much as they are . he is also not getting a lot of attention from her she sill not wee him for 18 straight days and that is hard to wxplain to him.

How much of this is divorce related and how much of it is just being a 12YO boy? That doesn't excuse the behavior, but it may not all be because of the divorce.