Maybe it's time to switch counselors?

I am with you on the lack of cleaning, living on the couch when I'm not at work, feeling worse the more time goes on, etc. Some days no matter what I do I am in tears. However, there are some things that make me feel better: listening to music (I find Subscape's "Nothing Wrong" to be oddly soothing), eating regularly and healthy even if I don't want to, watching comedy that has no romance in it (I like Workaholics but there are a lot of drug jokes), journaling, praying, going for walks or runs (though I end up feeling like crap afterward - not sure why)... and avoiding anything having to do with the ex or his new girl though I find that last one to be really hard. Socializing has been a big help as well - even if it's an awful time with a creep off the internet it at least keeps me out of my apartment for a few hours and serves as a distraction. I've found that if you're lacking friends, all you really need to do is make one contact at work with someone who has lots of acquaintances - this will be a huge help in meeting people.

Heck, I just did my dishes last night for the first time since finding out he had someone new (and wants to marry her) - and that was a month ago! I'm not crying every day now but I do still wonder... where do I go from here? I can't imagine happily dating. I feel for you!

Oh yeah, and I keep off facebook and twitter to avoid the happy engagement announcements. When I am stuck hanging out with happy couples, I remind myself that I don't know what's going on behind closed doors or what's waiting for them down the road.

Thanks Utterpain. Yeah, I havn't been on Facebook in months. He was always against FB. But his new GF got him on there, so that stupid news feed is always going off about how happy they are because mutual friends reply. Unfortunately I dont do much socializing because I dont know many people whre I live now. And if I do know them, they know him so I never get asked to go to parties, dinners ect. I'm thinking of moving home and leaving my amazing job just to get away and pretend this never happened :(

It was hard before the no contact because he would call and ask me to go for coffee. He did the "I still love you but I'm not in love with you" speel. wth.

I'm sorry you and so many others are going through this. It really sucks.

I know this probably won't help, but at least you have a job so you have to retain some sense of normality. Imagine if you didn't (or like me, couldn't) work.... you wouldn't have much reason to go on. I have 4 sons to care for so I keep going for their sake but I too wish it could all be over. I can't do anything to end my life because of how it would impact on them, but gee I do wish for a heart attack!

My saving grace has been this site...honestly I would be a gonner without it. Keep coming here. I probably won't help much because I am a car wreck myself...but if I can, I would like to. ((((hugs))))

Everything you all have written here resonates deeply with me. My husband (and father of three of my five children) left me for one of my trusted friends after almost 20 years together. I live in a small town where we have only been since 2004. Because of the public way in which he expressed his new relationship, not to mention the way he twisted the story to justify himself to the friends we shared (which was all of them actually) I've found it difficult to get past a sense of humiliation and suspicion of what others are thinking. This experience has left me feeling isolated (or like I want to be) from church and other activities.

After a little over a year I can look back and see progress. One challenge I have faced is that I'm an introvert and shy to begin with. I wish I could move back to the city where one can get lost in a crowd and most of the people one sees on a daily basis differ constantly.

There have been a few local people who have reached out to me with sympathy throughout this time, but the only ones who have the patience to really understand are the ones who've been through it. Most of them have recovered, so even there I feel like a broken record right now.

Everywhere from work to church is filled with gossip. It seems to be what keeps everyone ticking. My youngest child is the only one left in school. He graduates in two years and I am leaving this place after that.

My encouragement is that you continue with patience the process of growing beyond all of what you've experienced and the grieving process. A few people who have gotten past this kind of thing (each more than 10 years beyond the breakup) tell me that it's important to see how far I've come and know that it's not unusual for this to be a slow process. The fact that they are making new lives for themselves brings a ray of hope. But I agree that trusting people (men and women) is a tall mountain of challenge I am still climbing. (not very far yet)

I was a homemaker during both marriages and finding myself without the "qualifications" for dating well in this modern time leaves me bewildered. (Not that I'm ready to take that big step yet emotionally) I'm going to have to put my life together before I have much to offer a relationship and that's really hard when my finances constrain what activities I can participate in. I have interests without the finances to enjoy them. I am 49 and sometimes wish I were much older so people wouldn't expect so much from me.

I guess the bottom line is that it just takes time and somehow finding the will to keep going, appreciating myself for each small bit of progress that I couldn't have seen myself making just months ago.

So don't give up or give in. If you can't accomplish it today there is always tomorrow as long as you don't quit. You'll look back and see how far you've come from time to time and that will, hopefully, boost your energy to keep going.

Best wishes to everyone navigating this terrain filled with land mines.

So sorry you are feeling this way . On the other hand I'm glad I'm not alone!!! Work is the only place I feel halfway normal!!! If it wasn't for my 18 year old daughter I probably wouldn't get out of bed most days..

Feel your pain dear... Keep coming here and venting we all understand... Also find another counselor !!!

I thought after 3 years I wouldn't even remember my ex's name but at 1 in the morning last night once again I was crying my eyes out so as much as I wish I could give you an answer as to when this all gets easier but I dont know.
I know alot have said that over time they began to feel worse. That is what happen to me as well. Many said as well that we knew at that point that their family and friends were getting tired of listening to them. I know mine for sure are tired of it. So now I'm keeping alot of my feelings in and maybe this is why some of us feel worse over time as we stop talking about it to those close to us.
I do have days where I think finally its not bothering me and I'm so happy I think I'm finally putting it behind me and then bam for no reason all the sadness and hurt returns.
Over all though I think its better to feel what you feel instead of trying to push the feelings away as I tried to push them away for along time but they caught up with me.
I truly am sorry for what your ex did to you.

i was in a long term relationship with an addict and i totally understand how you feel. i was just talking with my friend today about how much i gave and sacrificed for him to get better... (and get engaged within 9 months after break up)

but you have to let that go.

i understand how you feel. but i will tell you that your place is a big part of your mind set. if you don't have it in you to clean, then take a hundred dollars and pay someone to do it. seriously.. it is essential.. it will help you more than you know.

i agree with utterpain to switch counselors. your time and money is too precious to waste on treading water. ask around and get a referral.

hang in there.. brighter days ahead. put one foot in front of the other, try to make healthy choices.

THE POSITIVE is that his addiction and if he uses or not, is NO LONGER what controls your happiness and your world. thats major... once YOU are the one who is in control of the coaster ride, instead of leaving it to an addcits behavior.. well, even if it's a bad day that is major progress, sister.

hugs

OMG I'm also living on my couch when I'm not at work. Just had to do the dishes because it was really bad. I'm sorry that you feel this way but I feel better knowing its not just me being lazy. I wish I could pay someone to clean. I believe it would make me feel alot better but I just can't afford it right now.

I hope you feel better soon. I hope we all do! At least writing here feels like I'm doing something.

Hugs!