Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,009 Members
100,360 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just trying

STex
STex

So I have been improving myself, exercising, reading many relationship books, studying my Bible, seeking God in prayer, really trying. I have stopped reaching out to my wife unless she initiates. It seems like this week she was softening a little, she finally cried and showed some emotion after 6 weeks. I have apologized for my part in the communication breakdown, I have not brought up the emotional affair she had, tried to make every contact that we have a positive one. We had to meet about our house this morning and we were talking a little, I wanted to share my journal and show her what I have been doing to create a positive in my life. I thought that it might help her too and she just got defensive. I approached it with love and humility and it blew up. I am trying to remain strong and not let this get me down. Just wanting to reach out.

thiscantbeit
thiscantbeit
*Hugs*
Justme3
Justme3
My ex doesn't reach out unless I reach out first but I've stopped as well. You just have to continue to keep busy and be strong. It hurt but you can't show her your progress now because she not ready for that and it might have been confusion to her. Just give her time. You continue to work on you. I hope things get better for you.
SBC1238
SBC1238
One step at a time and maybe what she saw was a little to real for her. It hurts to read the honesty of what you have felt and are going through. Let it digest and see where it goes from here. Hugs
STex
STex
What she saw was an idiot just found out they have still been talking. I feel so stupid to think we might could work it out.
SBC1238
SBC1238
Don't feel stupid, she is the dumbass. I have read your posts thus far and you are too good for this. I have full confidence you will find the right one for you, just give it time and think that each day that passes you are closer to it! Be there for your son, he is so brave and going through such a tough time as well. I wish only the best for you XOXO
lookingforclosure
lookingforclosure
Remember, her mind/heart are not in sync. She wants to demonize you to minimize her guilt. She focuses on your negatives, and his positives. If you show her anything that contrasts her new reality, her defense mechanisms kick in. Just my opinion, but I think you should put as much distance as is reasonable between you and her. Even if you're heading for divorce, with children, you're tied together in some way. You need to let her sort out the truth on her own...hang in there.
samantha717
samantha717
Don't feel stupid for trying. Look at it this way ... at least now you can walk away with a clear conscience because you know you did everything you could think of to save your marriage. You can't make other people's choices for them, but at least in years to come you will not be tortured with loneliness and guilt because you drove your kids off and didn't even try to save your marriage. As the saying goes (and I truly believe it), karma is a b*tch.
Skwerl
Skwerl
You're not stupid at all. Lookingforclosure is spot on.
When you really love someone, you have faith in them. Faith in their honesty. As I'm sure you're all too well aware, all the feelings and bonds you had with them don't just disappear overnight, including that faith. It's just another part of the process. One more of those threads that tied you to her that needs time to dissolve.
What it means though is that you had faith in the honesty of someone you loved. That's not a bad thing. Can never be a bad thing. Be proud of that. Not a stupid thing at all.
STex
STex
My 17 year old son is going to be an amazing man one day. He is incredibly strong and brave. He has had to grow up way to fast this year. Thank you all for your generous words. I did and do love her with all my heart, but this has definitely pushed me a little closer to letting go. I have finally found a bit if anger that I have not been able to muster. I hope everyone finds peace to sleep tonight.