Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Just starting the process

RNMaly
RNMaly

I have been married for over three years and now my marriage is coming to an end. I went to work one night and my supervisor asked to speak to me. She seemed very nervous so I was worried I was in trouble. However, she pulled me aside and showed me some pictures on her phone. They were pictures of a Tinder account my husband had made. She had been on the dating app for herself and happened to come accross my husband. I felt so angry, embarrassed, and every other type of emotion possible. When I went home, I confronted my husband about it- he was very honest and informed me that he had made the account 6 months ago, etc. However, he wouldn't let me see the messages he sent or anything to do with his account, instead he deleted the app before I could see anything. I asked him if there was anything else like that where he was talking with other people or anything else at all that I should know about. He told me no at that time. Things were really rocky, we were arguing and I felt like anytime he was on his phone that he was talking with other girls. It was starting to seriously drive me insane. I asked him if I could see his phone to try and help me not feel like I was going crazy whenever he was messing with it- he told me no. One day he left the house and left his computer open...I know I shouldn't have, but I looked through his computer. Low and behold I found Facebook conversations between him and other women that were incredibly sexual and very inappropriate for a married man- some of the conversations dated back to 2 years. I showed him what I had found when he got home and he stated that he didn't think he did anything that bad and that it couldn't be classified as cheating because he never acted on any of it. I completely disagreed and that's when I realized that I don't deserve this. I decided to file for divorce. I feel as though a lot of my friends don't know what to say when I talk to them. People say, "why don't you try counseling?" Why would I try counseling if I can't trust him and if he doesn't even think that what he did was wrong? I know that my friends and family are just trying to help, but its complicated. What have you all done to help with this transition? 

basnime
basnime
I am exactly where you are.. we are dealing with imperfect people and he probably doesn't mean to hurt you. I've been separated for just over five weeks and I've made a lot of mistakes. Yes everyone suggest therapy because they don't know what to tell you.
People don't like pain, there own or someone else's. If you are a believer pray. If you are not please try to focus inward on the good in yourself and your life. Any negative thoughts will lead you to more hurt and destruction.
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
anyway yes it is cheating he's a slime ball..it's a character flaw that marriage counseling or praying isn't going to fix. Be thankful you don't have 20+ years invested with the douchebag and it doesn't sound like you have children with him so you can make a clean break and move forward and eventually find someone who deserves your companionship.
phoenixrising16
phoenixrising16
It's definitely cheating. Try making a list on the things that upset/hurt you in the marriage... read it over and remind yourself that you're now free from all of that now.
Brie310
Brie310
I haven't officially filed yet...I was still trying to figure out what I really wanted. But my husband is exactly the same way, has been a serious internet dating cheater for years now. The first few times I was so blind in love that I let him convince me it "wasn't what it looked like". Two years of ignoring it and he's now started a relationship and sleeping with a teenaged girl. That was more crushing then the Internet affairs. You are doing the right thing, we tried counseling and I honestly feel like I'm chasing my tail. He's still not transparent with things, I see him texting daily but sneak his phone at night and there's not a single message. They get better at hiding it as time goes on.

It's hard but you will feel better once he is gone. It will no longer be your problem, you will learn to love yourself more and move on with your life!
STex
STex
It is cheating, if he feels no remorse - move on. To work something out you actually have to ask for forgiveness and mean it, obviously something he is not willing to do. Time to cut the communication, the longer you stay the worse you will feel, he feels nothing at this point.
jojored
jojored
IMO if you are living with a chronic liar, it's over.

IMO if you can't trust someone, it's over.

If there's no real communication, it's over.

If that person doesn't think there's a problem, it's over.

Praying and counseling only can go so far, as someone said above. You can't open someone's eyes who is not looking at you.

He's been deceiving you since just after your one year anniversary (that you know). That says alot.

It'll be hard, but your husband does not deserve you, and you deserve a life filled with trust and respect.