Well, the guy I was dating hasn't even tried to contact me after his juvelile delinquent took charge of his life and dictates everything that he does since last Thursday. Don't know if he is afraid that i'm mad at him, doesn't have the number to call me anymore (SHE deleted it from HIS phone) or just doesn't give a shit. I'm starting to think that it's the later of the 3. I'm also starting to think that people are right that he has been telling his parents that I am crazy and that they are feeding off of it. I'm sure he told her that I'm totally nuts and that he wants nothing to do with me. But he is the crazy one since he is lying to cover up that he has been the one contacting me, wanting to see me, and that his "new love" is only 19. His parents believe that she is 21 already. Boy, wait til they find out the truth. But will they care by then? Also found out that his new love, who wears boys clothes, has been wearing Spanky's clothes. How convenient that they can share wardrobes. Wonder if they even share underwear. Maybe the cute yellow Joe Boxer ones with the smiley faces on them. I know he has a pair- I did his laundry! It just about makes me ill. If I see her in his Texas t-shirt or shorts, i'll kill the bitch!! I didn't buy them for some sicko girl to wear. I bought them for him because he liked mine. Not that we were going to wear them as a matching couple. UGH!!

I talked to a guy last night and he is nice but I don't need someone that I practically have to pull his fingernails out with pliers in order to do anything. Dating sucks and that's why i'm pretty much done with it. Just have a few casual friends here and there and that will work out fine. I don't need any more drama. Getting rid of the drama I had so I can get back to being level headed and independant. Not to care about much of anything but take care of my own issues and person. Do I feel that Spank will ever come back- yes, I do. They all have- Mike, Larry, Doug- all came back for more later. This time after he comes back I can't treat him like the prince that he was in my eyes. I have to act like I don't care anymore. That i'm not in it for a real relationship and that i'm not out to marry him. I would though! I have to give him the impression that i'm there to have fun, date him again and have sex like rabbits! I don't see why he wouldn't jump at the chance for that. Until then I have to sit back and watch his house of cards fall into the pit he is headed for and do nothing about it. i love him but sometimes loving is part of letting go and for them to make mistakes is part of the growing up phase. I sure hope that he can grow up soon and stop being immature. I know he has it in him to be something great!

Sorry- just have to vent and get it off my chest before I let it get to me. I'm alot stronger now and the tears don't come that often anymore. I'm starting to realize that you can't change a person and their feelings and that when it's out of my control, there is nothing that I can do about it. I'm getting there! Baby step by baby step!!