Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hello, I’m a new member I feel so unbelievably messed up I just don’t even know where to begin! Well, my now ex husband and I had been together since we were 16 and 17(I’m now 36) and this past January our divorce was finalized. We would have been married for 17 years in February and together 20 in August. We have 3 kids 18, 14 and 13(our youngest is sadly severely autistic and will require care for the rest of his life!). The next thing I’m about to say please nobody judge me on! I had numerous surgeries many years ago and even a severe car wreck where I had overtime became addicted to prescription pain killers. I realized I needed help and checked into a rehab but little did I know the place I went to was a suboxone rehab. I’m a nurse, but at the time even I didn’t realize really what suboxone was or how addicting itself it was too! I had been on it for sometime anyway my ex-husband was always insulting me calling me junkie and loser, bitch, whore u name it I was called it! He also claimed he filed for divorce b/c of me being on suboxone which while I was on it I was always taking drug tests and not once did I ever fail! I’m off it now currently have been for 6 months but during my divorce I could tell the courts totally judged me for being on it! During my marriage my ex had an affair when I was pregnant with my middle child and left us and was himself addicted to cocaine and ecstasy but that was always alright! He also was arrested 5 times for domestic violence against me when the only time I called the cops was once, the other 4 was neighbors and even my doctor! Anyway in court they didn’t even care about his anger or temper just that I was on suboxone! My lawyer sucked b/c I didn’t have time to get a good lawyer as I said my ex was saying how much he loved me and even woke me up to have sec the night before he filed(I apologize for being graphic just trying to show what I was dealing with!). Anyway, it sucks b/c as cruel as he was, I still do love him and want my family back! I’m the one who had to leave the house and I’m not the one who wanted or filed for divorce! Also my sucky lawyer claimed I got joint custody but only of my middle child, only in summer do I get every other week! During school I get every other weekend with my baby but get my middle son so much more! My ex encourages my middle son to insult me, call me names and he also does things like gets mad and breaks his cell phone or grabs him by the head you name it! He’s very abusive in every way and the courts pretty much gave him our children even though he always abused me too and I had proof to that affect! I even paid $400 to take a hair follicle drug test to prove I wasn’t on any other drugs and passed with flying colors but it never mattered! Idk what to do now he owes me for the house and I had planned on getting a better lawyer to fight for custody to get more time with my baby. I’m so sorry to go on and on I’m just running on empty heartbroken and hurt aren’t even words to describe how I feel! I beg God to help me feel better and even ask, “Why am I going through all this? What more can I go through?” This isn’t even everything bad that’s happened in my life but it’s a pretty big one does anyone have any pointers? How do I go on? If I do take him to court what can I do to get more time? How do I stop being a doormat and move on like he has? Will it ever stop hurting? Any help I’d greatly appreciate! God bless u all!
In this situation, I wonder what your future will be like if your ex even wanted to take you back. The seat is still hot now, and the future requires lots of honest discussion & debate by the group (you/the ex/ and a new attorney). Frankly, under the circumstances, your objections should have been verbally stated during the initial motion of divorce proceedings. I'd recommend checking with a new/different attorney to see if you have a chance to reopen your case.
Certainly, it appears that the court failed you. I suggest finding a good family practice attorney. There really are some important issues to address. I'm so sorry that this thing is stressing you & your children. And your general concern is really with rebuilding a life, quality life, with your children. Ironically, your husband is still a big interest to you though. For what? His character? Not too committed to his vows is he? Did he seriously consider the language: for better or worst or in sickness & health, huh? And do you expect a sudden change for the better in him?
However, I really hope that you get what is in the best interest of you & for the sake of your children. I know that all seems fearful for you now. Then you may only deprive yourself from what's rightfully yours if you don't take immediate action. You do have a claim for relief, and I do agree with the previous poster. You must document as much of subject-matter reviewing all that has transferred in this story beforehand. Only please don't undermine or attack your ex as you write-out your thoughts. Curious thing is that he & his attorney most likely maliciously weakened your character in order to gain advantages. Still, ready yourself to countervailing, which means that you have to influence a better image of yourself as of today, as a person & parent, which should be a big difference than that in the circumstances surrounding the previous divorce proceedings.
God bless you as well & thanks for the kindness of spirit!
All the best to you,
Remiah