Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi All,
Well, this is awkward. Hell, here it goes.
I'm trying to maintain No contact with my Ex for the last 6 months. The thing is, I just can't. And my life is stuck. I don't talk to her for 1 month and then she calls and its so good to hear her voice, only that she's not the same person anymore.
I'm 22, and my ex is 24. We were in a happy relationship since Dec 2011. It was lots of love, kisses, hugging and talking. we were madly in love, and had planned out our life for the next 10 years. we planned to have 1 kid, adopt another and grow old together. Everything was perfect. We were planning a trip together to Manali (Hill Station in India) in July 2014 to celebrate my b'day together. And 1 fine day on 26th May, she just calls me out of the blue and tells me that she's getting married without her consent on 10th July. Damn! we talked all night long on 25th and I didn't had a clue this was coming. I get 2 options, to leave her or to run away with her. She said she can't fight her parents, won't go to police. With a job in a corporate and my family to think about, I couldn't just run away. And being an Indian, there are a lot of possible repercussions if you do run away (honor killings are prone where she comes from). I tried talking to everyone, her friends, family, to be husband but to no avail. In the end, I celebrated my b'day with my Dad as the (expensive)tickets were booked.
Now its just unbearable. I try to be strong but it just doesn't happen. I'm not a very social person, so no hanging out with friends (I desperately tried clubbing and hanging out, but it just isn't me.). The thought that I didn't hold her hand when she needed it the most is eating me up from the inside. She tries to be nice whenever she calls but she blames me, and she'll never forgive me,just because I listened to my brain and not my heart. All I can feel is the helplessness. And I feel useless.
I can see that my life is getting wasted in front of my eyes as the last year just flew by. She came into my life when I was at my worst in 2011, right after my mother died of cancer. She just loved me and I her. She helped me quit smoking and reduce drinking, and just stopped me from going in a very bad path. I owe so much to her, but when she cried out for help, I just sat down and watched, powerless.
I want to do something, really want to change my life for better, really want to go to the next chapter, but I just don't have the courage to do it. I don't even know what I want from her anymore. I see her everywhere, asleep or awake. I don't want to spoil her married life, so I keep my distance. Hell, complicated is a huge understatement for my feelings.
Uhh... I know I'm just typing up shit, and I really am facing a hard time pressing the submit button, but here it goes. I really hope letting it out helps me, as nothing else has until now.
Well, this is awkward. Hell, here it goes.
I'm trying to maintain No contact with my Ex for the last 6 months. The thing is, I just can't. And my life is stuck. I don't talk to her for 1 month and then she calls and its so good to hear her voice, only that she's not the same person anymore.
I'm 22, and my ex is 24. We were in a happy relationship since Dec 2011. It was lots of love, kisses, hugging and talking. we were madly in love, and had planned out our life for the next 10 years. we planned to have 1 kid, adopt another and grow old together. Everything was perfect. We were planning a trip together to Manali (Hill Station in India) in July 2014 to celebrate my b'day together. And 1 fine day on 26th May, she just calls me out of the blue and tells me that she's getting married without her consent on 10th July. Damn! we talked all night long on 25th and I didn't had a clue this was coming. I get 2 options, to leave her or to run away with her. She said she can't fight her parents, won't go to police. With a job in a corporate and my family to think about, I couldn't just run away. And being an Indian, there are a lot of possible repercussions if you do run away (honor killings are prone where she comes from). I tried talking to everyone, her friends, family, to be husband but to no avail. In the end, I celebrated my b'day with my Dad as the (expensive)tickets were booked.
Now its just unbearable. I try to be strong but it just doesn't happen. I'm not a very social person, so no hanging out with friends (I desperately tried clubbing and hanging out, but it just isn't me.). The thought that I didn't hold her hand when she needed it the most is eating me up from the inside. She tries to be nice whenever she calls but she blames me, and she'll never forgive me,just because I listened to my brain and not my heart. All I can feel is the helplessness. And I feel useless.
I can see that my life is getting wasted in front of my eyes as the last year just flew by. She came into my life when I was at my worst in 2011, right after my mother died of cancer. She just loved me and I her. She helped me quit smoking and reduce drinking, and just stopped me from going in a very bad path. I owe so much to her, but when she cried out for help, I just sat down and watched, powerless.
I want to do something, really want to change my life for better, really want to go to the next chapter, but I just don't have the courage to do it. I don't even know what I want from her anymore. I see her everywhere, asleep or awake. I don't want to spoil her married life, so I keep my distance. Hell, complicated is a huge understatement for my feelings.
Uhh... I know I'm just typing up shit, and I really am facing a hard time pressing the submit button, but here it goes. I really hope letting it out helps me, as nothing else has until now.
Honestly, she does want us to be friends. And I know it makes me a jerk for thinking like this, but I can't fathom a relation of friendship between us.
Maybe the calls and communication cease with time, but I don't know how I'm gonna fill this giant hole in me. Its making me depressed, and it is sapping out all the confidence I have. I can't perform in office, I don't feel like doing anything new. In short, I can't do what most people suggest, "Get a Life."
Life is just passing away. Can you or anyone suggest me some things I can do, anything. As I said, I'm not a very social person, so I feel more awkward than relieved in clubs and all. I've joined a gym and that helps a bit. But beyond that, nothing.
Friends is not an option for most people right after a relationship ends..usually not for a LONG time after, if ever. It's not recommended for you to heal.
I know this sucks but it gets better..with some breakups ..later rather than sooner, but it does get better.
Therapy and sharing groups are available, but I don't want to consider them just yet. I have this ego thingy and really want to get over it all by myself, that's the reason that I'm sharing my feelings for the first time in 6 months by writing them here, and not telling a friend. Now, this again makes me a jerk, but I've given myself a deadline. If I can't straighten myself out by my next b'day, I'll seek professional help.
I'll try Goals. I've losing weight, learning piano, maybe I'll add some more.
One thing I wanted to ask, how recommended is a new relationship. Should I try going out with someone. I've been approached by a few girls over time, but I shut them off as politely and fast as I can.
Thanks everyone. You all are really supportive. Most of the night, I read other people's stories, and that 24x7 feeling of being a fish out of a pond is gone here. I really am hoping that I can help myself in this group and then maybe later help others in some small way as well.
If you want to start seeing other women, start off slow ..