Obviously the dynamics of your marriage changed to the point where your wife was not ready to move forward at this point. Is she a person who was more needy than supportive? If so, then she needed you to take care of her so she did not have to do any of the "hard" stuff in marriage. Regardless, I think the two of you should try counseling. You might find the two of you are stronger together now.

Sounds like she didn't tell you much about why she left. Sorry how life really sucks at times. Keep in touch for support.

No, I begged for her to give me a list of things to work on. I'm now a brain injured retard, but I'm perfectly happy to take a couple weeks off work and bust my ass trying. But she never gave me anything to work on. We were in couples counseling but that was always kind of lost on me, and obviously is sure didn't help since she took off!

As to the question of whether my wife is needy, I would say yes she is. She's been in counseling for herself for years. My coworker joked that it must be a damn crappy counselor if she was divorcing me while she was going to counseling! But it's possible the counselor was telling her "You didn't sign up for this." I have no idea.

Sorry Matt but counselor's don't tell their patients things like that (At least not the ethical ones.) but sometimes patients interpret things that way. Is it possible she only needs a break? Is she willing to go to marriage counseling? If so try that route. Believe me your journey will be up and down for the foreseeable future. Take care.

BTW are you from MN?

I am from MN. I live in NE Minneapolis and work downtown.

I don't think she wants anything to do with me anymore. If I asked her to try counseling with me, I think it would sink like a ton of bricks! But I'll sure think about it. I guess asking doesn't really hurt since she hates me already, what's the worst that can happen!

And more about asking her to go to counseling, she's already working on the divorce. She has lawyers (so I had to get a lawyer) and we've already had our first meeting. Luckily she agreed to settle nicely out of court (hopefully!). So I think the ship has already sailed.

Ok Matt. Are you hoping to leave a footprint online detailing your pain? You do know you gave enough information about yourself for someone to find you? Being in IT myself i'm a little wary about putting too much information out there for someone to find and use against me. You should really consider changing your login name. Add me as a friend after you do it and i will gladly be here to support you as well as everyone else here.

From what you have said it is hard to discern what is going on. Maybe she decided she doesnt want to be with you anymore. Not what you want but sometimes it just happens.

As for being a "crappy" counsellor....people can be in therapy for years it doesnt mean that the counsellor is "crappy" or manipulating her to decide what to do. Nor does it mean that she is needy. What a horrible thing to say that people are "needy" because they go for help. Loads of people go to counselors to sort feelings and things that have happened to them. That is what the purpose of going to a counselor is. There is no time limit on working things out. Also, counselors do not TELL their patients what to do they help them decide what is best for them.

I am sorry you were injured but it may be a case of her just wanting out of the marriage and not your needing of support due to your injury. Like I said it is hard to discern whats going on. Whatever it is I wish you luck.

Hi Matt, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It looks like you tried couples counselling, but the divorce is proceeding.... I know this feels impossible right now. Could you ask your wife to postpone the proceedings for a while to create space to see if there is hope at all? I will be praying for you.

Are you getting any counselling yourself? This must be truly hard for you.