Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I just broke up with my girlfriend of two and a half years about a week ago. All week I have been up and down. I keep on going thru feelings of missing her and never wanting to see her again. As I think about the relationship I get angry. I felt like I had no control of my own life. I couldn't even control the music In my own car. I couldn't even control what we watched on my own TV. I understand that when you are In a relationship you have to meet in the middle. There was no meeting In the middle with my ex. I like watching sports but she didn't. Now she liked watching shows about weddings, babies and fashion. So I watched the shows she liked. But If I tried to watch sports omg. Now when It came to music I really had no choice but to listen to what she wanted to listen to. I have to say this before I continue. I do not work I live off SSI. My ex liked to remind of that quite often. Now we have opposite tastes In music. When we were In my car I had no choice. What she said over and over and over to me was "Since you are not working and I am I control the music.". I didn't mind listening to her music as long as we listened to mine. Since she worked and I didn't she thought It would be OK to control everything. She would tell me be at her house by whatever time and apparently I had no choice but to be there by whatever time she said. Now I live an hour away and I saw her everyday. She also thought because I didn't work I had no other responsibilities.I tried to talk to her about getting a day or two apart. Now me and other people tried telling her the reason we argue so much is that we spend so much time together but did she listen nope. So now I have all this time and I have no Idea what to do with It.
The problem I had with her was she NEVER talked to me about anything ! She made all her own decisions that effected OUR family greatly and she never cared as to what damage she was doing. She reduced her work schedule and then quite her job after 14 years as a perfect employee. She bragged to everyone that she was a stay at home MOM and the house was ALWAYS TRASHED. She screamed at me for not spending my entire weekend kissing her ass or cleaning the house because she did it all week (I just worked 50 + hours while she had NO income for 3 years).
She suffered from BP2 and BPD and PTSD and I sympathized for and with her. She used it as a cruch to abuse me and my kids on a DAILY basis. She also uses it as a crutch to collect SSI and tried to take my kids away from me in the divorce and was granted alimony because of it also.
I guess what I am telling you is demand the respect you deserve and dont let people run over or abuse you for being on SSI. Like I said before if you didnt earn it you wouldnt be on it and it is there for people that need it. I just dont feel my Ex dose! I also Never tried to use that fact to control her or make her do anything and almost never threw it in her face unless she started it.
So after 6 years of constant abuse and daily screaming fits! I asked for a divorce and it took her 3 days to file. Best thing that ever happened to me!
Best of luck to both of you!
Frunkiss, it's good that you are out of this shit. Find the things that you would like to do and would make you happy. You allowed her to control yourself knowingly or unknowingly and it is going to take some time to change this for you. Just take it one day at a time to take care of yourself.
Take all that free time and take a class or two that will help you land a job. xoxo