Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Through this everlasting battle to find myself, become detached, to love myself I have learned many things. But today I felt the need to share something with all of you beautiful people. I hope it helps you and we can discuss it further.
So here goes....
We suffer because of attachment. The moment we become detached from someone or something we stop suffering. The problem is that most of us instead of becoming detached completely, look for another attachment to be able to forget the previous one. Thus stumping our emotional and spiritual growth and development.
Why do people become attached? Because we project a separate self in others where there is none.
The best example is this All animals are Gods creatures. Everything around us and in us has energy and is all interconnected. If a little child steps on an ant they dont freak out or cry. They just observe and move on with no pain. But if this same child sees an ant and observes it for a while. Protects it and loves that ant for a few hours as it goes about its business, and then accidentally steps on it, the child will cry and suffer. Will feel genuine pain. We might not be able to understand why he/she cries over an ant but we will try to calm them. What is the difference between this ant and the millions of other ants stepped on daily? The child had created a separate entity around this one. It created individuality and grew attached.
In REALITY, is the person we are suffering for any different than the BILLIONS of men and women out there? NO. This person is flesh and bone and soul. The same flesh and bone and soul it was before you met him/her. You were ok before you met and you can be ok now. The ONLY thing that has changed is YOUR point of view of this entity. They are the same with some superficial changes maybe but still the same essence. Your view of this person has changed and you created him/her into a separate entity from the rest of the world. This is NOT REAL it is a shadow of reality. It is all in our minds and nowhere else. The faster we understand this the faster we can become detached and gain our freedom.
We must learn to control our minds. Like an unleashed monkey who is controlling us. It will only lead us to pain and suffering. Our minds are our worse enemy. ALWAYS. Unless we control this wild monkey we will never truly be happy. We will only have a glimpse of happiness in little moments. This is not living and we ALL need to start living and leashing our minds to be able to view the world with our hearts and souls. Not through a veil our fears and pain puts over our eyes.
So here goes....
We suffer because of attachment. The moment we become detached from someone or something we stop suffering. The problem is that most of us instead of becoming detached completely, look for another attachment to be able to forget the previous one. Thus stumping our emotional and spiritual growth and development.
Why do people become attached? Because we project a separate self in others where there is none.
The best example is this All animals are Gods creatures. Everything around us and in us has energy and is all interconnected. If a little child steps on an ant they dont freak out or cry. They just observe and move on with no pain. But if this same child sees an ant and observes it for a while. Protects it and loves that ant for a few hours as it goes about its business, and then accidentally steps on it, the child will cry and suffer. Will feel genuine pain. We might not be able to understand why he/she cries over an ant but we will try to calm them. What is the difference between this ant and the millions of other ants stepped on daily? The child had created a separate entity around this one. It created individuality and grew attached.
In REALITY, is the person we are suffering for any different than the BILLIONS of men and women out there? NO. This person is flesh and bone and soul. The same flesh and bone and soul it was before you met him/her. You were ok before you met and you can be ok now. The ONLY thing that has changed is YOUR point of view of this entity. They are the same with some superficial changes maybe but still the same essence. Your view of this person has changed and you created him/her into a separate entity from the rest of the world. This is NOT REAL it is a shadow of reality. It is all in our minds and nowhere else. The faster we understand this the faster we can become detached and gain our freedom.
We must learn to control our minds. Like an unleashed monkey who is controlling us. It will only lead us to pain and suffering. Our minds are our worse enemy. ALWAYS. Unless we control this wild monkey we will never truly be happy. We will only have a glimpse of happiness in little moments. This is not living and we ALL need to start living and leashing our minds to be able to view the world with our hearts and souls. Not through a veil our fears and pain puts over our eyes.
I agree with the attachment and creating a special relationship with the ant, but in making a complete 180 to try to get control of the situation, but controlling our minds, I worry the more we try to control our head, we lose that part of us that follows our heart or allows us to feel emotion. We can become pretty hard / cold inside and out if we just run with our heads.
I get what you are trying to say; to get control of this situation. To create the detachment with your head and you will follow. Just make sure to not lose yourself in this control or let it define how you will now live your life in order to protect your heart. As I said, I know you are saying this for the current situation, but some times, we don't realize that things lead us because it yields us success. Its just attaching to something else to detach from the other thing. ya know?
You have helped count my blessings... the attachments in my life.
Attachments result in our having conscious & subconscious expectations. When people don't live up to our expectations, relationships suffer and no one realizes that attachment is the culprit.
For anyone interested in exploring this concept, I highly recommend "The Power of Now" & "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle, "The Way to Love" by Anthony DeMello and "No Mud, No Lotus: The Art of Transforming Suffering." They all address the subject of attachment.
TrueColors: Good Suggestions. I may pick up one of those I havent read yet.
Lamar: I hear ya. What I wrote to enuf above kind of goes off what you were saying how you feel. I can only hope that while you feel this way, you keep your head up and eyes open to those around you. This way, you don't miss the person that you know you can invite in to your life and trust. I believe there is at least some others like me, or us, out there when we are ready.