I forgot to add that I realize that everyone's circumstances are different. This is just my personal experience. :-)

Great post! It is good to hear from you and I'm glad you're doing well!

Interesting how you mention how much better you are feeling after a year and a half. I too have found in my life that 18 months is like a magic number for adjusting to major change. Best of luck to you.

Really, 11Christmases? I remember seeing the 18 months thing before by other people so I was happy when the time passed and things actually did get a lot better around that time.

This posts is truly something I needed to hear. Thank you for the encouragement and I'm glad for you that you are no longer hurting.

This post was insightful to me too. The actual divorce took a year or so and we could have done that faster if either of us had cared enough to push it. I had to deliver something to him at the request of one of our children who lives several states away. I met him on my lunch break for about 3 minutes in a parking lot. Surface level exchange and it was done. I thought he looked terrible and wondered why I had ever been attracted to him in the first place. That was a great new piece of of current information to me!!!! The dreams in my head were of the past, not real time information!

Then he called me tonight to thank me for meeting him and bringing him the items. I told him it was no problem and I was pleasant. Less than 1 minute conversation. This is what I think is funny, he is a control freak. I don't know why he called to thank me but it is never what it appears to be. And I don't care.

The happy part for me is that I don't care. Finally.

thanks for that post. I needed that today.

it really does get better. it has been six months since my ex girlfriend of four years broke up with. the break up was not about another man being involved. it was because we had different priorities. it still hurt and I will always remember the wonderful times we had together/ so I just think positive and try not to think what I could have done differently

I'm glad to hear it gets better. I seems like I am getting better too. But not completely yet. But I was better than last year and last year I was better than the previous year. My wife left me in 2012. So it has been about 2 1/2 years for me. I think for me personally, my healing is a little slower because I have kids with my ex. I love my kids and I am staying in the school district until they graduate. Which means I live a quarter mile away from my ex and her boyfriend and I play 3rd wheel a lot at my kids school activities and functions. For me, this makes the healing process a tad slower because she is still in my life due to the kids. Not to mention I am paying alimony, which doesn't make me feel completely free. Not a necessarily a clean break. Somedays, I feel like I am still in a marriage, but just a really really crappy one. On which I am raising my kids with my ex and her boyfriend and financially supporting 2 households. I don't complain to her or anyone about it, but it isn't necessarily my idea of a free life. It also makes me worry about what would happen if I ever lost my job. I feel like I have a big weight on my shoulders and I am just trying to weather the storm and hope to come out ok.

Thanks for the update felifel, its great know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am 2 months into this break up and yes I am really sad about it. After 15 years together he told me he didnt love me any more and left me and our 12 year old son, I am trying to move on and I know I cant make him love me any more, time that is all we have to heal..so I am new to this site and find it a real help. * hugs* to you too.

Cheppie, it's interesting to see what you wrote about not being attracted to your ex anymore. I feel the same way! I am in no way attracted to him anymore. I think it could be a combination of the love no longer being there anymore and him letting himself go after the years. What I used to find funny before is now annoying to me lol. The person that I miss is in the past. I do not miss the person he is now.

NewBegin2012, it is harder when you have kids. I only have one child with my ex but I imagine it would be even harder if we had more kids together. I hope the storm passes soon for you.

Chrissie, my ex an I were together for 15 years as well. I remember the two month mark after we split. It was a very hard time. My ex also told me he didn't love me anymore. I'm the one who left though because he wouldn't leave me even though he had feelings for someone else. It will be a tough road ahead while you are trying to heal and move on, but you will come out a stronger person in the end.

I too need to post. My husband left me in Feb. 2014. He abandoned me. We had been married 7 years, no kids thank goodness. This was a 2nd marriage for both of us. I was truly heart broken and didn't think I would ever recover or survive. But I'd like to say that I did survive and although still recovering I did find my smile again and my sense of peace with life. It was the hardest thing I've ever gone through and there were days I didn't want to survive. So those of you just starting on this journey, be gentle with yourself. Take the time to grieve, to experience all of the emotions that come in this painful time of life. Know that better days are coming but it does take time. Don't let anyone tell you to get over it or that it's taking you far too long to heal. It takes as long as it takes. This is your journey and no one else's. Come here often as many are in the same place as you are and many of us have paved the road before you and have ideas and thoughts on how we made it.
Thank you for posting this, I'm sure it will help many who are just beginning. I know this site was a Godsend to me when I stumbled upon it a year ago. I thank all of my DS friends for their support, understanding and compassion and I look forward to helping others that come here. Hugs everyone!

Your post is so true. I wanted answers to how to get past the hurt and the pain. I wanted someone to be able to tell me exactly what to do. Most people kept saying time was it. I didnt want to believe them because everyday I woke up, I just wanted to die. I didnt want to feel that horrible pain in my chest and anxiousness I had over my breakup. One day I had a revelation, and from that day forward it got better and better. It took me over a year to get to that point, and I know everyone is different, but honestly, thats all it is. Time apart. No contact. Trying to find something else to get your mind in other places.

Im not saying the pain goes completely away, but I can now think of my ex and not have chest pains. I can think about the good times we had. I also can see some of the bad times I neglected to see. I think I will always love him, but with time my life gets better and better.

Thanks for the post. Very reassuring.