I won't go into detail.  Husband wants divorce, fine, it should have happened years ago.  We bascially been roommates for the last 5 years, more to the story I won't go into.  But, it still hurts, I'm ANGRY, I'm afraid, I feel like a big FAT FOOL and I feel rejected.  I've never dealt with rejection well.  I tend to blame myself for everything and my self-worth, self-esteem take a major hit, not that they are strong amyway.  Even though I don't want him back, this all still hurts, and everything else.  At one time he left me for 12 years.  It was bad for the first 2-3 years, I went into a major depressive episode. I lost my good job to Absenteeism, the company worked with me as much as they could. I struggled to function, I had 2 little ones at the time.  I did grow stronger.  I know I will grow stronger this time too but right now it really sucks!  I know it has nothing to do with me, but it still hurts and I still take it personally.  I hope to have papers done up in a week or 2 and then file but he won't move out till divorce is done, he says.  I'm going to put in papers he has to move out by a certain date.  It's too hard to get over him and move on with my life when he comes here at night and his stuff is here.  I went a little psycho last night.  When he was home, I started putting his stuff in bags and throwing them by the front door.  We yelled at each other, we talked a bit but he was mad and I was too and I was upset.  Trying not to talk to him anymore than I absolutely have to.  We have a 17 yr old at home yet.  Husband put all his stuff back in his room.

I hope I can come up the the money soon to get papers done and filed with court.  Hope a week or 2.  Hope sooner.  He is seeing someone else.  23 1/2 years of marriage, 25 together minus 12 he left me.  I feel like a loser.  Can't even keep a loser, who else would ever love me?  I know I need to work on some of my issues, I will once he leaves.  He refuses to see he has issues and work on them. 

Sorry, I know this probably doesn't make sense, it still hurts, I'm angry, I'm afraid (mostly financial), I feel like a fool and I feel rejected.

I start Divorce Care at church tomorrow (Tuesday) night. I do have an ok job now too.