First off hugs. You're worth a hundred of him.

Regardless of whoever this would be...rejection of your best love...and rejection of your best offering...sends to you at the core, a message of "your not worthy of love".

It's the message you keep telling yourself.

That's the unspoken and underlying source of your emotional bleeding.

You can and will love again. You can start today by loving yourself.

Nice Tigerpaws :))

Welcome to the group Sunset!

Your use of the word addiction is what I'm going to go on here for you. How do people break addictions by therapy and stopping use of whatever they're addicted to. I would recommend counseling and no contact with your ex. It's hard, but you CAN make it through this!

Thank you everyone for your support. I've never felt more out of control in my life

Mavs is right. Part of your job is getting back in the world - your
"addiction" to him has kept you stuck. Getting out can do nothing but help you. When we focus on others whether it's through activities or volunteering, it helps to get through the pain.

Try meetup.com to see if you can find a group with similar interests.

Lynne

You are a beautiful young woman with a bright future ahead, as long as you leave this man behind you. It's so very simple, and one day you will look back and wonder..."what the heck was I thinking?"
Anyone, no exceptions, that causes another person pain either emotionally, mentally or physically really loves you. And a man who is abusive only gets worse in time. They are normally masters at manipulation & will get into your head so fast. He will eventually isolate you from friends & family, cause you to lie and do things that are not in your nature. You have your entire life ahead of you, so RUN as fast as you can away from this person. Turn to whoever you can for support, and find a good female MD to help you get through this if you. I also live in Dallas and have been through this situation with my daughter. I haven't posted about it yet, just reading. But the short story is only child, incredibly close relationship until he entered the picture. 2 weeks ago they got married in Mexico, and I wasn't invited. All of her wedding pictures show bruises on her arms that she tried to hide with makeup.
You have choices, so please make the right one. Your prince charming is still out there waiting to find you!
And you have many people around you who really do love you.
Take care of you,
M.A.

Any abusive relationship is not acceptable. Although it is hard to think of the reasons that caused the relationship to become as such, it is time to first love yourself. Accept yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. We learn from them and move on. Take sometime for yourself and try not to contact him at all. Give yourself some time. Do something you love like manicure and pedicure, go shopping, go the movies with a friend. Keep yourself occupied. It will get easier.

any man that would hit you does not love you, nor is capable of loving you

I'd like to recommend you contact your nearest Women's Shelter and ask about services you could take advantage of. Often they have counseling services they can hook you up with to help you not only with the immediate problem of recovery, but therapy for the long term so you don't find yourself being drawn to a similar relationship in future.

These kinds of relationships can have some long term effects nobody should have to wrestle with.

Good luck.

"The race is long, but in the end its only with yourself"- my sister told me this today... she won a 15k... but I just thought It applied to this battle I'm having internally to get rid of this unhealthy relationship

Welcome to DS...sorry you are hurting.. we are here to help you move on... everyone pretty much already said what I would have... Hang in there and hope to see your ideas and input on the board, too. Big hugs!

If it's any consolation, sunset, I think you're one fine, sexy, clearly intelligent, articulate, caring woman, and hundreds of cowboys in Texas should be lining up with opening liners to ask you out any time.

But I think you should learn to love yourself before you get into any more relationships. Relying on another for self-sustenance is futile, because they can't carry the "weight" of both of you. It drowns them.

Why not join your sister in running one of those 15ks (or a shorter run)? Thank God you've got a sister for support! It'll help you "work out" this internal battle...with sweat. You'll develop a healthy self-love, and a healthy anger for transgressors of your heart. You'll dole out love...to those who deserve it.

You have got a life ahead of you, don't spend it excusing the behavior of someone who cannot control their behavior, is not emotionally healthy and who will only get worse with time and no intervention.

You can't fix 'em. You can't make them happy and they'll always blame you for their failures in life. They are responsible for their own happiness just as you are responsible for yours. Please do as Joy asked and seek out help at a domestic abuse center. They can give you great assistance and insight into the person you think you can't live without.