OK I'm new to this and haven't posted on forums or support groups before. Around 18 months ago I met my ex partner, I thought everything was great at first but after recently doing some soul searching I now know there were a lot of red flags I chose to ignore at the time. Very early into the relationship it was clear that she was controlling, abusive and had a serious problem with alcohol.
Throughout the relationship there were issues and warning signs, being completely ignored when we visited one of her friends. Saying she would call then sending a message several hours later saying she wasn't. Becoming verbally abusive when she was drunk then not being able to remember anything the next morning. Anytime I tried to raise the subject she would become defensive and argumentative where I would be left feeling guilty and apologising for mentioning something I wasn't happy with.
The situation became progressively worse. Under the influence of alcohol she became more abusive. If I suggested that she might have had enough to drink she would become violent, threaten to throw me out of her house when she knew I couldn't get home or threaten to leave my house and sleep on the street or at the station. At times she would blame me for her behaviour and refused to acknowledge the alcohol was an issue but she still had little to no recollection of what happened the night before.
While she was sobre she was a very loving and caring lady so I started going to bed early and just staying out the way while she was drinking. This led to us becoming distant and the relationship becoming less intimate. At this point she did try to cut the amount of alcohol but she was still drinking every night. For the last 6 months I was unhappy, knew this relationship was unhealthy and going nowhere but there was still something there for her so I held out still hoping things would change.
This finally come to a head several days ago after I got yet another drunken phone call from her saying she wants to end the relationship, it's my fault we're not working and drifted apart. At that point I knew the relationship was over and the situation will never change.
Although I know I made the right decision to end the relationship there is still something there for her. More than anything I am annoyed with myself for not facing the facts sooner and spending the last 6 months in an unhappy relationship when I know I should have listened to my gut instinct instead of just ignoring it.
Although it did hurt and there are still some feelings there I am treating this as a learning curve and chance to better myself. I will listen to my gut instinct in the future, it's there for a reason. With more free time on my hands I will be able to spend more time in the gym and doing things I enjoy.
I know what codependency is...I've read enough books, articles, research, and stopped an analyzed my personal relationships. I've laid out boundaries, had difficult conversations with people and myself, and things go well...and my old habits creep up again. I am a rescuer/fixer. Even perusing the other groups on this website...I wanted to leap in and tell this woman to leave her abusive...
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