Sending you a big hug. Letting go is so so so hard. And there is no easy way to do it. Power to you for for joining the gym and and going to therapy. Be good to yourself - don't isolate, groom yourself, eat clean and healthy, place yourself as number 1. None of this will kill the emotional pain but it will at least help you manage it without it affecting your physical well being.

I'm taking one day at a time.... All I can do... I know I will come out of this at some point. He has brought me to the lowest of lows.. But I will not let, him break me. Thank you for the kind words

You have a great attitude - that will go along way. This will not defeat you, but make you stronger. It will be toughsometimes - I'm having a hard time now - but I know I will get through it. Sometimes, just repeating, "I'll get through this and be better in the end" is all I can do to keep movign forward. Take care.

I am trying to have a good attitude about it, but this morning it is right back to the lows.... I never thought I would let someone break me down the way he has. I am at work, but would rather be in bed. The loneliness is numbing, but all I can do is put one foot in front of the other. Thank You for the support

You are broken but now you can start moving forward. That is the only way to go. I think once we finally get to the place where we accept that, it is only progress from there, especially with your positive attitude.
Your are going to be fine. You can do this!

I keep saying that to myself, but I am finding it very hard today. I know I can't get my life or husband back, but where doe some type of "normal" kick in. My therapist says there is no time limit to grieving, but I am not sure how long I can conitnue to do this

It's such a hard and baffling journey to healing. You have a great attitude, but you are going to have days where you just want to curl up in a ball and cry all day. That's normal. It's an up and down process, and it's exhausting. It's even worse when you have been spending years in the limbo stages. I kept getting back with my ex, you thought you and your stbx were going to get back together..it doesn't allow us to move on, so we spend too long at the same stage.Now that you are in the thick of the pain and the reality of realizing "wow, it's really done" is like a dagger to the heart. It has happened in stages for me, since I didn't do it all at once...No contact is imperative. It speeds up the healing. I have days where something will hit me from nowhere, and boom! I'm right back to crying and trying to figure out where it all went wrong..then..I'll wake up a day or two later and feel ..lighter somehow..at peace with the breakup. I feel good today and two days ago I felt terrible. One foot in front of the other is the only way anything ever gets accomplished. Hang in there ..and vent here. We all understand what you are going through, and can support you.

Thank You... I have found this site to be extremley helpful. I have such high and lows. It just kills me that he just threw me away like 18 years meant nothing to him. Maby he never really loved me at all... Maby it was just the kids that kept us together. I have alot of what if's, and why didn't I do this feelings lately. I know he is going through his own issues, but he is completley fine with how things are. It does help to vent...

I can totally sympathize with you, and understand exactly where you are coming from and a little on how you feel. The "highs" and "lows" and everything in between is rough, sometimes brutal. I know the I've been getting my butt kicked recently by the highs and lows.

I also understand the frustration and confusion when our "out going" partner appears for all intents and purposes to be "not very affected" by the break up, appearing on the surface to be okay with it, and even giving off vibes that they some how made peace with themselves about it.

For me, my now ex-fiance exhibited many behaviors and traits of your ex. She almost never shed any tears after she announced that we were over and would be going back home to Ohio. It just baffled the hell out of me a times, for I had to live with her for little over 2 more weeks after she broke it off with me, almost never showing signs that her choice was disturbing her.

There I was soppy, mopey, sad, crying, emotionally sensitive, and there she was, almost looking happier than a clam. But unlike you she wasn't thrusting the fact that she had any new men in her life, and talking them up to me. She rather thrusted her family into my face, time and time again, claiming to be going back home to true people who really love her.

This letting go stuff is like way hard, I didn't invest near as much time as you did towards your relationship, I only invested 14 months, but in those 14 months I had given 100% of myself to that woman, I had never done that for any of my previous lady's. That's what makes this so very hard for myself, that I gave my all, all is was, all I am, all I had, all my money, all my time, all my like, all my love and still it wasn't enough to save us.

Like you, I've been haunted with thoughts that maybe "she really never loved me"! The hurt and betrayed side of me would love to think that, but my heart knows otherwise. I know at one time she was in love with me, but there towards the end, being continuously hounded by her parents to come back home, we can't make it without you. I think the prolonged exposer to her parents influence flicked a switch in her head, she got into "family mode" and got out of "wanting to be with me mode"!

Like you I'm doing my best to take it one day at a time, putting one trembling foot in front of the other. All I can do is believe that all of us who are enduring the highs and lows and the betrayals and th back stabs or emotion double crosses, one of these days things mellow out for us all and not be so vast and massive to deal with.

I wish you all the best, "big hug"!

Thank you for your kind words... I have really been focusing on myself, and seeing the role I played in our marraige failing. I still miss him, but I know that will lesson in time... One foot in front of the other, and one day at a time!!