Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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vmarshall 08/28/2008

Last night my boss, who is a real good friend of mine, sent me a text and said that he set me up with his neighbor. I thought he was joking. He kept saying that this guy will treat me right and was a real good guy. Told me to dump my baggage (the guy I am still pining for) and start dating his neighbor. I totally freaked out and started hysterically crying!!! The man that I am still in love with broke up with me in April and the last time I spoke to or saw him was June 28. I know that he is the one I want to be with and have been told that I will eventually end up with him once he gets his head out of his ass. I'm not waiting around for him but I really am not "feeling it" when it comes to dating anyone right now. I have things that I am working thru and need to re-discover who I am these days. Went out on 2 dates that were a disaster and just don't want to go down that path and get all frustrated again. Went on the local Craig's List and was totally disgusted by all the guys wanting secret sex partners or a weekend bang once in a while. There were others that wanted to "control you and you be subservient to THEIR needs and fantasies. WTF!!!! Hope they are limber and can reach their own privates for some "special pleasures"!!! That is just utterly disgusting and degrading!!!
Anyway- am I wrong to feel scared and not really want to go out with anyone? Did i overreact? My boss is upset with me about that now and we really aren't talking today. At least i'm not. I'm totally hurt. Again- I do understand that he was only trying to help! Any advice?

deleted_user 08/28/2008

First, (no offense guys) your boss is a guy and he doesn't understand how you are truly feeling right now. And explaining it to him isn't going to help. Tell him that although you appreciate the thought, dating your boss's neighbor is a recipe for disaster. If he likes his neighbor and you were to date him and things ended badly, you'd have to deal with your boss everyday.

Lay it out to him like that and tell him you have a strict policy not to involve your dating so closely with those you work with.

deleted_user 08/28/2008

4Queens gave some great advice.... nothing to add beyond hope things work out for you.

jlynn3100 08/28/2008

The guy you want to be with said the two of you would be together once he "gets his head out of his ass"? The guy I just dumped told me that exact same thing, word for word; then I found out he was seeing someone else as well. It's good you aren't waiting around for this guy because I think guys use this phrase to keep women hanging on, making us think that all they have to do is get themselves together and everything will work out. Bullshit!! Good for you for trying to move on! And I think what you're feeling is normal, so don't beat yourself up. Your situaton sounds very similar to mine-get to know yourself before you start trying to date again. Trust me-I just made the same mistake! As for your boss, it's his problem. He set you up without your permission then expected you to be grateful; tell him thanks but you aren't ready to date yet. If he's still mad then it's still HIS problem!

deleted_user 08/28/2008

First of all,
he meant it as a kindness,
but it is inappropriate for your boss to try to set you up.

And you have every right to say no. Whatever your reasons.
And you know very well it seems that you are not ready to date.
Stick to your guns.
And hopefully, your boss will accept your "no" and let it go.

vmarshall 08/28/2008

Thanks everyone for your advice. I just didn't want to feel that I am viewing this the wrong way! No, i'm not ready to date. Don't want to right now either! Just needing friends to go do things with, thats all!!!

deleted_user 08/28/2008

Perfectly understandable AND healthy. You shouldn't rush yourself to date before healing from the last relationship. 9 months later and I'm just now starting to feel like maybe someday I will date again. But I'm not even near wanting to really think about it.

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