You were more blessed than I was because you had such a long period of buoyancy so soon after your breakup. I started out somewhat buoyant, well, I was in f-you mode until the reality and agony hit, then any period of buoyancy came later, and much much shorter in duration.

It seems clear the journey from here to there is not the same for any two people, and the road's got different potholes and boulders on it, but almost all the journeys I've been witness to here and in real life, the lie ends up looking like a tangled mess of dips and dives.

Having that awareness doesnt lesson any of its discomfort tho, does it?

Those slumps of feeling empty, or numb, or apathetic, depressed or just plain dumpy may be the periods of time we need on our butts to rest, gather ourselves, feel the part od the cycle before we get hit with renewed energy or hope or the fire in our spirit to get going again.

The dark winter months don't help much either, when probably some evolutionary mechanism is begging us to hibernate for awhile.

All I know is, I experienced a lot, and sometimes my hope waned, but I feel really good now...greater than I have felt for years, so I can tell you with some confidence, if I can get there, anybody can.

Yup, I see from what everyone posts how varied it can be. Of course we're all unique individuals and we are coming out of totaly unuique unions between two unique individuals.

But the one thing that does seem to play out is the Ups and Downs we cycle through. Only the frequency and amplitude seem to vary.

I also think you're right about the winter and reduced daylight, combined with the holidays and all the triggers I hit during that period.

It's as if I was happily swimming along and got caught in a nasty riptide. I seem to have escaped it, but I'm a tad exhausted right now and just treading water, so to speak.

I guess I just have to take it easy and be gentle with myself right now. Expecting too much and too soon will most likely be counterproductive. I have to balance that with the desire to get back to where I was. Patience is a virtue...

In general the bumps get more mild and easier to get over.

Hugs. I know it's not always easy.

"treading water"

VERY familiar feeling to me
I think I wrote a handful of times before about "treading water"

I suppose treading water is better than going under! ;-)

As a friend told me, the first "anything" after a breakup is always tough, and the holidays tend to bring back memories. I know I'm going to have several triggers in the coming months of things that I did with my ex's family which helped create such a strong bond I still feel with them.

The holidays are one of those big events and since it was the first set of them since the breakup, what you went through is totally normal.

JASG - I can so identify with what you have shared here. I like you also seemed to be doing so well until between Christmas and New Year, when my wheels came off in a major way.
As I worked through it, all sorts of newer and deeper realisations came to me of things I needed to really work on for my own deep healing. I think what I had done initially was try to fast track the healing process without really facing up to some of the deeper issues that needed addressing.
I am onto a much better and more peaceful track now but letting the healing take place on a more in depth and slower pace. I have come to the conclusion that it is probably better to be taking it easier and slower and if there is a type of inertia for a while, it must be necessary for the lessons to truly sink in or for a "recharging" period. If that makes sense.
Trying to fast track it didn't really get me anywhere really, so just fully living each day to the best of my ability on that day is ok for now. I am not going to beat up on myself if I have the odd day when I don't feel I am making major progress. I think those days of just spinning my wheels may be necessary in order to get real traction for the next move forward on the road to recovery.
I hope this may cast some light on what you are wondering about in your own life.

new2free, I think perhaps I was overconfident. Perhaps I didn't realize or come to terms with how badly I felt about myself over how the relationship ended. When the triggers hit and I reverted I was so totally not ready for it. I had to re-examine it all again. Now that I'm seeing more clearly I think I'm coming to the same conclusions I did in the first months after the breakup.

I'm feeling a lot better than I was a week ago. As you said, right now I'm trying to take it easy on myself. Giving me some time to recharge. Get my second wind. Slowly start to re-integrate all the things back into my life that had me feeling so good throughout the Summer and into the Fall.

triggers suckola