Distance may be best in this situation..keeping him around only retains the feelings of wanting to be together and if youve already come to the decision that you have incompatible visions of your futures you made the right decision. Do u love him more that the prospect of never having kids? Was that the sticking issue? If you've always envisioned yourself being a mother and holding your kids...is it worth giving up that dream? A year is a year. I get it. What is everything worth to you? The friends thing....some people can make it work, most cant. The heart wants what the heart wants. Its good to be friends but is that going to get in the way of meeting a man with whom you share the same dream for the future?

Thanks for the advice - it isn't something I could give up. I love him that much I thought about it but can't. And even he would never let me do that knowing how much I love kids. It's an impossible situation. So hard and horrible :( also the fact that his friends and family and I get on so well. Feels like I'm losing it all. :(

I guess you make the choice you can live with the best, and carry on. But you can become friends. I have, quite by surprise, become friends with my ex husband. Who knew that could be a thing. it took maturity from me, and maturity from him.

But it can be done. Your man will certainly find someone new. And you also will find someone new. And that's a thing that's normal, and good, and healthy. I think at breakup time you'll probably need space from each other, because it'll hurt you that he didn't want kids with you, and it'll hurt him that you didn't want him more than kids. So everyone has to go to their den and lick their wounds for a while, but after that, should be fine. And other friends get over it too. They can be weirded out. As can family. But if everyone stays nice they kind of adjust.

:)

dont try to be friend ,it will hurt u more

Thanks for all the advice - i can't imagine life without him so hopefully, we can be friends. At the moment, I don't know how that could work :( breaks my heart :(

YES! I dated a guy for 7 years (from the time I was 17 to 24 years old). We worked together in the business my family owned. We bought a house together and realized that we were more friends than anything else. He broke it off with me because I didn't have the guts. The first few months were difficult. But we became friends. Later when we both married other people and had kids, our daughters became best friends. We were part of a group of four couples that hung out for Super Bowls, New Year's Eve, etc.

I haven't lived in the same town for years, but to this day I am still friends with him and his family!

Also,
you and your boyfriend are breaking up over different goals (kids, no kids). That is nothing to be angry, mad or hateful over. In the beginning for me, I remember telling my mom that I felt like there was a physical hole where my heart was. Give yourself time to adjust to the change. Don't expect to go from a couple to friends overnight, but it can happen. It is a choice.

hi, from personal experience you probably wont be able to be friends at first because if/when one of you meet someone else and you still have feelings for them then its going to hurt, you will however be able to be friends with them once you have got over them if that's what you want.
me and my ex wife had a horrible end to our marriage, we do have a child together so we have to talk but now i even ask her for advice regarding my current relationship when i cant see what to do next.
you shouldn't give up on what you want though because if you stayed with him and never had kids then you might eventually blame him and start to dislike him for that very reason.

I think it is possible and I have done it. It is easier if you are the one that left the relationship. The one that was tough for me was the one that hurt so badly. After a couple years it was only possible with the one gal after I realized just how wrong she was for me. Then I was able to be a friend. The latest one which I determined I had to leave, its been much easier. But it takes being very mature for both parties. I really care about the well being of the last one that I left. I tried and she tried very hard to make it work, but we were to far apart on things for it to work out. But we both care about one another and help each other. I think we might be considered best friends.

You can be friends, but you will need to be separate for a while first while you heal from the romantic relationship. You can't really heal and still be in contact.

I think you are both being adults about this, if you have realized that you have incompatible visions of what you want in life. I know it hurts a whole lot, however breaking up now is saving both of you from long term disappointment and resentment.

For most people, getting some distance from your ex is the only way to get over it. Separation until you're healed, and then consider friendship, and perhaps only a casual friendship at best. You'll know you are ready for that when you can be happy for your ex to be with someone who is a good match for him, rather than being jealous.

Until then, and before you are ready to consider dating again, you might want to think about what you want from a long term relationship. After my divorce, I spent some time on that and ended up with a list of must-haves, and deal-breakers that I wrote down. (Honest, faithful, financially responsible, non-smoker, no cheating, doesn't want more kids, etc) I've had some first dates, where I could tell that my date has a list and is asking from it: how much do you play video games? How often do you drink/420? Any DUIs?, Do you get money from your parents? How often do you stay late at work. Everyone's list is going to be different. Anyway, its worth thinking about before you commit to another long term relationship.

If it is any consolation, there was a couple a few years back who broke up in a rather public way, and released a song/video on youtube explaining why to their friends. It really is gut-wrenching to watch, but you can tell that they have thought long and hard about it, and decided that it was for the best.

Thanks for all the advice guys - We are still together right now but the impending doom is driving us insane. :( we just love each other so much. Its going to be hard but hopefully things will work out for us both. Im annoyed that i found such a great guy but we have this one this that isnt compatible. And its a big thing. Thanks again - nice having support out there x

Is there a way? Certainly, there could be, especially if both parties are mature adults.

But I think the bigger question is this: Is there a reason why? I can see wanting to be able to get along when children are involved. Otherwise, I think that moving on and forgetting what once was is the best course of action. YMMV, and best of luck.

I guess the reason for me is that right now thinking of never seeing him again is so unbearable - We get on so well, love each other, support each other, make each other laugh and with him, i have had a better life and met a great group of friends.

Deep down - I dont think it could happen because i am not the type of person to let feelings go that easily, espesially when its not what i really want. But i also think it might be worth a go after a while, and after we both have time to heal.

I think there would be ground rules and could never be the same with the friends but they were his mates first so i would just have to deal with that.

and to be honest, i am struggling with even the breaking up part....dont know how i will handle it :( but again, i have done it before so i will get through it again but just never had to walk away from a great relationship :( Heartbreak seems to take something from me each time and i hope i have something left.