Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
we fight like cats and dogs. like we go to great lenghts to make sure the other knows how much we HATE the other. its horrific. i moved my stuff out a couple days ago.. wrote a note that said we are being crazy by communicating any further. like there is no hope here. after three years of this extreme pattern, there is no hope here. i have been watching youtube videos, taking notes, joined this support group, stood firm on not replying, etc. and then what happens? i have one too many beers and letting him sweet talk me back into his bed. it was beautiful we laughed we played we sweated. we went to the store 3 am for snacks and a movie. all our favotire things together. and we fell asleep holding each other smiling. WHY. for one, WHY did i do this. i know better! i have made signifigant progress! and so easily i let myself be weak. and of course, because of this sick pattern hes back in my texts like miss you, whats the plan for later, xo smiley face. like wtf. how. no. i made a huge mistake going there last night and after having such a great night together my silly heart doesnt want to be mean and say what I NEED TO SAY: last night was a mistake, i need to focus on improving my life, i will not participate in this revolving door of love hate love HATE. whyyyy did i put myself back here WHY. i was so proud of myself up until now. my sister is thoroughly disappointed. actually its more like shes hurt because she feels my pain and wants to extinguish all of this. and since im the only one who can do that she knows she has to sit here and watch me burn once again. JUST BLOCK HIM. DONT UNBLOCK HIM. but what if he thinks i found someone else :( i couldnt! i dont want him to think badly of me. i dont want him to feel abandoned. i dont want him to have those special nights without me.. and he will. and i will. and everything will be fine and i shouldnt care what he thinks or how he feels or any of that! why did i go there why did i recreate exactly what i said i cannot recreate! now what do i do?
It sounds like you're addicted to the swirl of emotions too. The remedy is to make a decision and stick to it not matter what. If you choose to walk away you need to stick to that. It may hurt, it may make you sad and it may even make you cry and want him back but during those weak moments remind yourself of the downs. If you had children with this man, would you want your children to be exposed to such a dysfunctional relationship? Let's say you had daughters who observed the ups and downs. Then your daughters would learn that is what a "healthy" relationship is even though reality says otherwise. Your daughter or son would crave the same type of relationship pattern even though as a parent you may want something healthier them. But they cant help it its all they know its natural it feels right. etc.. Meanwhile you know its not right. You know from experience it's wrong, hurtful and disappointing. Right? Another thing you may want to do is look down the road 10,20 and even 30 years. Your body is older. You have less energy. Less stamina. Life is beautiful but is also harder as we get older. Stress, bills etc. Now on top of work stress, maybe children-related stress, less physical energy because of age, you get the point...would you still have energy to deal with this kind of relationship? Would you feel the way you feel now?
Now if you truly want to be with this man, then something has to change. Otherwise, the relationship patter will be continual :( and those kind of relationships usually end in disappointment and/or frustration. I saw it happen back in the day with girls from high school and college. Some of them I know today have 2,3,4 kids with different DADS and all of their relationships were with the "same" type of man that clearly was not right for them ,,,,,I hope it works out for you though :)
what is not for you is not. The above post sums it up pretty well.Deep down you know the difference
between an unhealthy relationship vs a healthy one.The question is how much time are you willing to
lose while you stay attached to this one?