Again, you're on a divorce website.

If you were on a diabetes website, most people would have or have someone close to them with diabetes...

As far as cheating...my ex and I were together for 20 years. Never any cheating. He's been in two relationships since then, no cheating, other issues, but not that one.

I've thought about relationships, but ultimately decided to focus on work and my kids. I don't trust fast, and with a young daughter, I'd have to trust not just him, but his judgement in whoever he let around her.

Mongamy and our perception of marriage is very much a cultural value, not a natural born trait. I do not believe that all marriages are unpure but I think our culture as a whole gives married couples mixed signals, we tell we are individualistic in our society which means "self" comes first, we are not collective. We have media, music, etc tell us that we deserve only 100% happiness or something is wrong. We are encouraged to please ourselves at any and all costs. I do believe that two committed people that share the same values, goals and put forth 100% of what they have as a person can make a marriage work. it doesn't take 50/50, it takes 100/100.

Strawberry , I think we all have a choice to remain committed to our vows . Nurtured character defects and self centeredness , etc... ruin relationships .
Having said that , I believe we live in a time where I question if many people will choose to do right and if they don't want to , I sure don't want to waste my time on any of them .

I've wondered the same thing. Even the couples that seem happy probably went through something similar and work it out or decided to stay together. I know a lot of my friends have gone through some kinda cheating and decided to stay together.
I do agree that is commitment that keeps a couple together, you have to work on your relationship and make the right choices.

That's what I was thinking. Every once in a while I'll see a post on Facebook of someone wishing a couple in their family a happy 40 or 50 year anniversary. I wonder what their story is. Have they found their true soulmate, and been in a loving loyal relationship all these years? Or have they experienced infidelity, lying, etc and stayed together thru commitment and forgiveness?

I was married for 25 years (together for 30). No cheating. As far as I know, most of our 'couple friends' don't have infidelity problems either.

Still, I'm getting divorced now - just the result of other problems instead.

I hope and pray that someday I find a new soulmate who also shares my values and commitment to fidelity. But I'm a realist enough to know never assume anything - trust but verify.

It's known in the animal world that monogomy doesn't exist except in a few cases. I truly believe, us as humans, can't be but it was ingrained in us this his how we have to be. There is just so much cheating and divorce, it's just mindblowing. I have never cheated nor did I want to. I just think if you can't be faithful then don't enter a relationship.

I've never cheated, but I've been burned twice, both time between the 10 - 12 year mark. However, I know plenty of couples who have been faithful throughout. That does not mean I think their marriages are all roses all the time. I do think they are committed to each other and to working through those tough times that always occur from time to time. I just wish my Ex had the same commitment level I did, but it is what it is. So, I think it is individual character, not biological predisposition that determines fidelity.

I have wondered this exact same question. i am very monogamous, but my first partner wasn't. I thought he was, but we had several awkward painful moments in our life when I discovered the secret. We stayed together 31 yrs till his passing, but it was never the same, I never really secretly trusted him again, I was sad deep inside over his selfishness and inconsideration, but yet I stayed. I have known so many couples that cheat on each other and so on. I don't get it. I understand wanting companionship, loneliness, all of it, but I don't understand telling someone you want to be only with each other, then thinking it's ok to cheat. Stay single!!! If I were in a committed relationship, and our sex life wasn't good, I would talk about it, work on it, do whatever it took to make it better. If impossible, I would either choose no sex or divorce. I wouldn't cheat without telling my partner first that we were through. I know how painful that is. Wishing everyone good wishes and finding what they need soon. I'm hurting tonight too, ended a relationship tonight, but not over this subject. Gnite

Because your relationship issue brought you to daily strength, does not mean that the institution of marriage and monogamy no longer holds. We here at Daily Strength Support Groups have had separations, divorce, deceitful experiences and much more.

I'm certain that there are marriages where both partners are dedicated to each other.

Although my now-EX-husband cheated, I still believe that monogamy is possible. I believe it because I know I am not a cheater and will not be. I had opportunities to cheat on him, most people have the chance if they want to, but I never thought about taking that option. I would not put someone through that pain. There are plenty of other options in life rather than cheating, as long as you have a backbone. I know others IRL and from DS that I honestly believe feel the same, especially after being betrayed themselves.

I think part of the problem is that people who have no qualms at all about cheating go ahead and marry, because they want the comforts and benefits of marriage, but they know from the get go that they will take opportunities if they come up. Another is people who are so self centered and entitled at their core that maybe they don't consciously intend to cheat, but they put their own happiness as the top priority in all situations, and therefore will betray their vows if something comes along that makes them feel happy.

I think there are definitely people who know what it means to commit, and to weather life's storms together, and to put the good of the marriage above any outside intruder. But there are also people who don't. Just stinks when the first kind get involved with the second kind.