Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I was with my husband for 21 years then 2 years ago he left for the tenth time,he still played with my feelings then after finding out hed been seeing someone else i felt like id been used then they split up and he came back saying he wanted togive us another go.It lasted a week then he told me he didnt love me anymore.I was totally deversated but eventually joined a dating site and got talking to a guy that had been through exacltly the same as me.It was so spooky how we just knew how the other felt.We texted and he called me all the time and really got on and even started mentioning love.We met up and it seemed like we had known each other for ever,for 3 months we were so in love he told me he loved me and missed me all the time,i was his soulmate and please dont leave him as he couldnt lose me.Then all of a sudden he changed stoped texting all the loving stuff etc.After a couple of weeks i asked him what was up and apparently his ex had been texting him and he realised he still had feelings for her.Yet again i was deverstated i really thought we was meant to be.since then he has been calling and texting me saying he wants to stay friends and he misses me and still thinks of me.Like an idiot i fell for it but i havent heard from him for 2 days now even though ive text him.Why do they do this to me?
No, don't get angry. Also, don't believe that you totally no longer love your ex! Without love, there can be no forgiveness - for you or for him! Also, you need to take a lot of time working on yourself. There is a lesson for each of us who go through divorce or breakups. If we do not learn the lesson, we will make the same mistake again and again until we confront ourselves and deal with what is to be learned. For example, I always felt that, whenever anything was wrong, not matter what, it was my fault. Somehow, I did something wrong or not enough or whatever. Well, I learned that, at the root of this, I felt that I was not "good enough" for anyone and, as a result, I felt that the wrongs in a relationship were because of me. This can be seen as egocentric or low self-esteem. The ex may call someone like me "self-centered" which, in a way, is true. However, it is not from feeling so good about myself that no one else was as good as I am, which is another extreme of the same thing! So, now, when things are not "right" about me in any of my relationships (friends), I actually talk about my feelings and, believe it or not, my friendships have become much better as I no longer neurotically want to "fix" the relationship if I am feeling like I did something wrong to damage or endanger it. This may seem simple; however, in the dynamics of relationships, there are roadblocks to real communication like this, especially in a marriage! In my former relationship, my ex would use this as a weapon against me - giving and pulling back on affection because I could not read her mind! She is passive-aggressive. Combine this with my own lack of self-esteem and it is impossible to discuss one's honest feelings openly for they would then be used as a weapon instead of as a bridge to deeper understanding and love. So, all in all, I learned that it is not all about me or the other but "us" and, in our case, "us" was not happening at all for a long, long time, as in from the very beginning of our 22 year relationship. OUCH! So, learn the lesson so you won't have to go through this again and again. You are NOT a bad person. There is nothing "wrong" with you and, no, you did not make this happen at all. You just need time to learn the lesson in order to be able to avoid this happening again. Take care. Forgive some of my sloppy writing, please.