You are certainly not crazy---you are human, one that has a heart. I guess you really are feeling the end. The change from what you know to the unknown is crippling, and for quite some time now this is what prevented me from accepting the truth that my partner doesn't care for me, the way I do for him. Unlike you though, I am still very much in love with my now ex-partner. Everything is much more difficult when kids are involved and I guess for some people, having kids is enough reason to stay in a dying relationship. Someone very close to my heart is in the same situation as yours and they are still living in the same house, acting like nothing happened, because they have kids, or I guess they just don't want to disrupt their home life the way they've known it. It's normal to feel the way you do given the situation, but only you can decide to either move forward or stay stuck. I decided to move forward, hoping I made the right move, I didn't feel like I was ready when I did, but I didn't really have anywhere else to go. I hope you feel better soon. Take care...

Making any change in your life that goes from a known to an unknown, especially this significant, can scare anyone away from the line that you need to cross. Most people, even those that seem the strongest and most confident, are indecisive or scared to upheave their life to make that jump they need to in order to get to where they want. Its a normal human reaction, our mind trying to "reason" staying safe. But no one has ever gotten anywhere but where they are at that moment without taking that first step.

Just take that first step.

Completely normal. I know that that same fear kept me in an awful marriage. (He must have had the same fear as he stayed in it too all the time cheating with someone). Change is difficult and scary. How old are your children? Old enough to understand if you sit them down and talk to them about your decision? Children are very resiliant and may even be happier with both you and wife happier.

Go see an attorney and just see where you stand. Take the emotion out of it - get a real picture of what the future will hold - then make your decision based on fact. There is life after divorce.

Not only is it possible, but given the situation it was highly probable. There is always some trepidation when we end a significant part of our life- when we walk away from school for the last time or leave one job to start another. That unknown future comes with fear attached. But how many times have we feared something only to find out it was the right move all along. I think from all that you say, that this is what will happen. I think you have a great future ahead because you are brave enough to face it head on.

mYes, there's fear. Get your ducks in a row, start ironing out your business, and get a plan in place so BOTH of you can move on with your lives.

Is she open to marital counseling? I know it looks pretty hopeless, but at least then you will know you did everything you could.
It might work as a helpful stepping stone to move on with a positive future for yourself and your children, even if that means being a single dad. If you're so unhappy in the marriage, they must sense it and it's already affecting your relationship with the children.
You will be the best father to them when you are at a place of peace and confidence with yourself.

I hear you, fear kept me in my abusive marriage for years, fear kept me from filing for divorce, not divorced 2 months, fear is keeping me from telling all the kids. In my 40's and still fearing the end. My counselor told me that fear is lack of faith. She is right, we all need faith to move on.

Yes, a person with a heart would be fearful...what if you.said to her it's time to move forward.. And ask her if you can tell the kids together?

What would her reaction be to that?
And if you can, talk out all the financial, custody, etc before you get to court. Would you both be willing to go to a mediator? Oh and to step back a bit, have you gone to counseling together to help see if there is the slightest chance of trying to work things out before the final step?

Thanks for the honesty everyone. We told the kids back in April that we were going to get divorced but everytime I tried to get her to take of some of our financial things, she always found a way or a reason to cancel. So these last few days I have been trying to build up the courage to tell her I cant live like this anymore, I give myself analysis paralysis by trying to figure out what to say and how to respond if she says certain things. Then I just give up on myself because that just brings the fear right back.

As for counseling, she said no back in December, it kinda feels like she is just using me for money. IDK??????????????????

December is almost a year away...

just do what you need to so you can have some solid footing for yourself not to mention stop the money train to her. Then you will find out how much money was really involved.

"December is almost a year away" meaning,its been almost a year since she said no to counseling and you knew before things were over.

how much most time of your life are you going to let go by before you take your life back and start enjoying new moments instead of dreading most days?

It appears that she has found it very easy to manipulate you. She sees your fears and concerns and uses them against you to get what she wants.
Be strong. You CAN do it!!!!