Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Mimi1978 02/27/2017

My STBX husband and I have been seperated since September. He asked for a divorce and to me, it was completely unexpected. He says that he hasn't been happy for a while but doesn't or can't give me more details than that. We've been married for 20 years, since we were both 18. We have two boys 13 and 7. If you would have asked anyone, including me, they all would have said we were a "perfect" couple. We had our arguments but I would have never thought a divorce was something that would happen to us. He moved out about 3 weeks ago and seems to be moving forward as if nothing is wrong in his life.

The first 5 or so months were awful. Depression, weight loss, sleepless nights... I really didn't see myself ever getting out of it. This last month, I've had good and bad days but what I want to know... is it normal to feel okay one minute and feel utter dispair the next? And if it is normal, how long will this go on. I can't see myself ever completely moving on, I've been with this man more years of life than I have been without him. If there is anyone reading this that can give me hope and say "I also loved ... and thought I woudn't move on but I did" I would appreciate it. Thank God I have a wonderful family (sisters and mom) but as for friends, there are none... my friends are all the wives of his guy friends and it's too awkard to put them all in the middle of this situation. Sorry this is a bit rambling, it just feels nice to let it out.

Mimi

cleigh 02/27/2017

Yes!!!!! What you are feeling is completely normal. And an emphatic yes to being able to move on. I was married for 26 years and everyone was shocked when my ex walked out on me and the kids without so much as a warning. A year after our divorce was final, I discovered he'd been having an affair before he walked out and carried on with her for 2 1/2 years. With all the betrayal, lies, cheating, I have forgiven him and have moved on. I have just started the process of getting back into the dating world. You are in the part of the tunnel where there is little to no light. Eventually you'll reach the end and be in full bright light and happiness again.

speechless1000 02/28/2017

Completely normal as time goes by you'll have more good days than bad. Then just good days. You sound like you're doing fantastic I'm 5 mths in & no where near dating. But my children are 1 & 5 so I don't expect to be to be honest. X

Mimi1978 02/28/2017

Thank you both for responding. I am not even officially divorced yet so I am nowhere near dating, and with my two boys, who I will have 99 percent of the time, I don't see myself even thinking of that for a long long time. I hear all the time from others that time will heal, but it's good to hear it from people that have recently gone through the same thing. This is just the most devastating thing I have ever experienced especially because there are moments that trick you into believing that you are okay, when a moment later you are back at square one.

mirandac 02/28/2017

Mimi that is the rollercoaster and the grieving,
Expect it to run as long as it needs to. Be gentle
and Kind to yourself. The emotional and spiritual
Side to divorce is overwhelming and takes a lot
Of hard work to move thru it and heal.

I like therapy and divorce care at this time Its helped
many people to process and move Thru their losses,
grief and divorce.

The healing does not even begin until after the Divorce
is final then next you are transitioning and thats just another
Stage going from married to learning how to be a single
Person again. I don't mean about dating, finding yourself
And getting comfortable being alone and single.

This is more like a journey than anything else, i was married
30 years and i am not sure of my new life direction quite yet.

It takes three years after the divorce to normalize, you are
Detached, you are focusing on yourself and your new life
And really don't care what your ex is doing or not doing.
They Are not a part of you or your new life, you only coparent
With them. They are only in your past not your future.
HUGS

mazie69 03/02/2017

Hi so sorry you are going through this too. I have been with my stbx since I was 22, married for 23 years. We have been separated off and on for a couple months and he got an apartment last month. We just sold hour home and I move with my son in 2 weeks. We have 2 older boys that moved out last year. I have tried for years to fix the issues we have, but could not, however I am completely heartbroken too. We appeared to others as if we had a good marriage, but that was not always the case. All the same things in the beginning, anxieties, weight loss, nervousness, did ok for little bit but now they are coming back around again. It's so hard to disconnect yourself from someone you have had in your life for so long. My house is no longer a home, this time last year everyone was here, my sons had not moved out yet. I'm devastated at times, but then other times I am hopeful that I am doing the right thing. I have no family here (distant but I am very close to them), this was my family. I have no friends really -those we had are married too. I've talked with a couple people that I know are divorced and I've started to attend a church. But I feel lonely most of the time. This site has helped, I seem to be on it quite often, reading how others are getting through this. What I have learned however is that most people that do divorce, are much happier after the fact.....I guess it's just the beginning that is so painful, and almost as if we are grieving. I definitely appear as if I am strong (I think for my kids) but it's definitely a hard thing to go through. You can message me if you'd like...hang in there.

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