For the last 4 years or more, my daughter has used every excuse to entise me to move out of our house either with or with out her daddy. She claimed that she was affraid of the house and that it terrified her during the violent summer storms. So, I finally took the leap and moved out when i realized that she was willing to leave (run away if need be) on her own (mind you she was only 12 at the time). Tensions had grown bad between her dad and I in the prior 2 to 3 months. He made the decision to start staying at his mothers across the bridge (40 miles closer to work) to save gas. We live 80 miles one way to his office and he drives an expensive Dodge pick up truck. (Gas guzzler). So me being guliable, I believed him. In time I found out that he was seeing another woman (and eventually moved in with her during the weeks leading me to believe that he was still at his mothers - and returned home om the weekends like nothing was going on. Then he got a little more daring and started getting up early on Saturdays and running all the way across the birdge (another 50 yo 60 miles) to a store that he could have run litterally 12 miles up the street in our local town to buy. What I finally found out was that he was sneaking time with his new girl friend. (( Oh major tid bit of information, the other woman had only been married 4 months for the first time to a man who was willing to adopt the youngest of her three children. This woman has 3 kids by 3 different men, whom she had never married and one of the kids were conceived by a one night stand. All this data has been gathered over the last 5 months after our separation.

So with all that said, my issue falls with my daughter. She who threatened to run away because she didn't like the house in which she grew up in. Now feels comfortable enough to go down and visit with her dad and his new girlfriend and her three sons. She states that this weekend they will be opening the pool for the season (the pool I begged for for 13 years and finally got to enjoy for one summer before I left).

I am torn, I am so pissed off that she wants to spend time with her daddy at the house she was raised in and refused to live in. I feel like I am being totally immature. But I can't contain my anger. She was visiting with her daddy tonight and when she came home and informed me that she is going back down with daddy this weekend to help open the pool for the summer. I felt a rage poor over my body. I want to go down and cut a whole in the liner, punch holes in the siding, just sabotage the pool I worked and begged so hard for.

I don't not want her to spend time with her daddy and his new family. i want her to despise him the way I do. I am so bitter - hurt - angry because he moved on and has started a new life with a new woman and her 3 kids. Throwing me away like a piece a dirt. It's only been 5 months.

How do I got over this. I have 3 men who are interested in me. But I am so bitter, that I can barely bring myself to talk to them.

I go from one extreme to another with my husband. One, I cus him out and call his girlfriend a family wrecker, whore, slut etc. But then when he pulls in my driveway alone with my daughter, I see that he is exhausted and there is something emotionally eating at him. I will never trust him and will never be with him again. But, I keep lashing out at him and would really like to see him rott in hell. Dieing a slow and painful death. Totally alone.

Am I a bad person for feeling that way? Do I have a soul? A heart?

How do I handle the bitterness toward my daughter for wanting to spend time with her daddy and then admitting that she actually likes his new girlfriend? There is a part of me that whats her to go and just live with him so that it's not shoved in my face. Please help me. What do I do?