Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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bigguy3 08/29/2007

I am a care-giver by nature. I want to support those that I care about by expressing support and doing whatever I can. I did this a lot in my former marriage.

I found out yesterday that a fried of my ex-wife died. My instinct was to call her and offer my sympathy and support ... but I know that by doing so it will hurt ME. I have just gone the rounds with my emotional attachments to her AGAIN, and have determined that limited contact with her is what I need in order to heal and move on.

I had my kids last night and as I was dropping them off at her place I found it extremely difficult not to reach out to her and offer support. I found myself crying on the way back home.

This loss of love and trying to move on is so much harder than I had ever imagined.

sc2kids4me 08/29/2007

I think you are doing the right thing, as much as you want to be there for her, you have to think of yourself and what you need right now.

deleted_user 08/29/2007

Yes, it is. But, as one care giver to the other, we Neglect Ourselves and give away Everything we Have to that person that we Loved.

It Hurt you to walk away last night, that is because you have a heart. It would have Drained you, had you done what came naturally.

You did a good thing for You.

deleted_user 08/29/2007

i cut all ties with my ex wife don't talk to her unless i really have to. and we have been divorced for 6 years.i was very close to her and her family. her uncle passed away and i went to the wake.my stbx went with me. i dont think she wanted me to go. so we were getting ready to leave and stbx said i am going on out take your time. just as i was getting ready to walk out the door, my ex wife came up to me and hugged me and whispered "thanks for coming" it kinda shook me up for a minute, i cried a little on the way home myself. so i know where your coming from. it might be too soon for you to talk to her. you coud always send her an email or maybe a card.that way you would be in direct contact with her.

deleted_user 08/29/2007

i mean NOT in direct contact.

deleted_user 08/29/2007

You sound like a great guy. She is no longer your responsibility to care for. I know this is hard not to do so but really she has others who can care for her and you have others you can care for.

deleted_user 08/29/2007

Your last line about it being so much harder than you had ever imagined reminded me of a line from a movie.

It went like this:

"As hard as you think it will be, you'll only wish it were that easy."

You're ahead of the game if you are doing such soul searching and self examination. You know, an unexamined life...

Point being, you're on the road to a much, much better place. I think it's great you're learning to protect your emotional needs.

deleted_user 08/29/2007

how about sending a sympathy card to her.

deleted_user 08/29/2007

The conflict can be very difficult to deal with. I have slowly moved on, but there are times that I have a very hard time not feeling sad and confused. I know that it would be easier to go back to caregiver mode but I fight it.

Try not to beat yourself up about protecting your own emotions. You deserve to feel safe.

deleted_user 08/29/2007

My wife and I have our problems, and I don't yet know at this point if I'm going to exercise the nuclear option. For what it's worth, I will say that if I do, the fact that she is the mother of my child will entitle her to a level of support and emotional attachment that I probably wouldn't give to a woman with whom I don't have that connection. I'm sure that will be a heavy cross to bear at times, but I still feel the obligation.

deleted_user 08/29/2007

Hi bigguy

I congratulate you for taking care of yourself. You did the right thing. The loss of love is extremely hard and moving on is tough. I also congratulate you for your ability to cry. A lot of men have a difficult time with crying. Crying is cleansing and helps us heal from our hurts.

Alexandria

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