Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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JackieBlue 10/27/2016

I had been married for 17 years when my son told me he thought his father was seeing an old girlfriend online. I had parental control software on all of our computers and I saw everything. It devestated me. Left me broken and disillusioned as if my whole marriage had been a lie.

We separated immediately but remained married, living in separate homes. It has been 6 years and I still have triggers that create a PTSD type reaction / panic attack that makes it feel as if it happened just yesterday.

When will I get over this? I have not been able to have a healthy relationship with a man since. I just want to move on, forgive and forget.

Facebook is a huge trigger. I avoid it like the plague as that is where I found all the virtual evidence of the affairs.

Think maybe I should pack it up and move to Alaska? I'm thinking of downsizing, completing divorce, getting Airstream and taking off... Gypsy lifestyle of wanderlust starting to look good!

I'm only 46, it seems like all the therapy Ive participated in would have gotten me past this by now.... How does one remain friends with thier childrens father after such unrepentant betrayal?

This is only 4 years short of taking up a decade of my life. Ready to move on. Any suggestions?

CrushedDad 10/27/2016

I think you need therapy to identify and weaken the triggers that cause you a PTSD reaction. Your feelings are normal and natural. They shouldn't take over your life and be so long lasting. I am a 45 year old msn that has been married 18 years. Then my wife told me she no longer loves me. I am not healed or even ok but I am progressing thru medication, journaling, reading and reaching out. Any or all of those may help. You need to heal YOU!!

mirandac 10/27/2016

Personally getting divorced would help a
Great deal. Its over and done with no going
Back and fixing what was broken. Living apart
Would never have been enough for me. I am
still Financially connected to my ex so that tug
Is still there.

I am not totally emotionally detached Either and
can get triggered real easy. I was somewhere Last
weekend working its close to where we lived And
His GF lives 3 miles away. It messes with my heart,
Head and soul and its all going on unconsiously. I
Need to find ways to combat it when i go there.

I do think about going to Florida and traveling we
Shall see. One step to a time. Its on my bucket list
As i just turned 60.

I got the unrepentant betrayal too and no i do not
Want to be friends, no children though. HUGS

Inner-Chaos 10/27/2016

First of all, it's terrible what you had to go through. I can't say anything that will make it better, but you've made it through this far and you're thinking ahead, which is awesome!
Second, if you're thinking about doing the gypsy lifestyle for a while, why not? I've strongly considered doing that myself because I think that freedom would really do some good and give a different perspective on life. I've already got it planned in my head sort of with downsizing the things I own cause I really don't need much of it anymore, store the things I want to keep and then just go and be free until I've found myself. So I would say go for it. If you think it would make you happy, then there's really no reason not to do it.

STex 10/27/2016

I already have the trailer, ready to hit the road or at least be mobile. I have really wanted to start downsizing and getting rid of all the junk that consumes our life. I just think it would be cathartic and liberating. We had planned on doing it together, but it might just be me now. I love the time I spend in my home on wheels. Something about the smallness just comforts me. I have really wanted to go off these last few weeks but there have been so many financial burdens resulting from our separation that it has not been possible. I dream of going to Big Bend, my favorite place, and living in solitude. I guess we will see how our stories play out.

mirandac 10/27/2016

I got rid of all my junk and old stuff from the marital
Home before i moved so i did not need to go Back,
He still resides there.

My new apt i have my stuff, borrowed, Rummage
and new stuff. I do think about getting a camper. I
Am not a very good driver though and a chicken
at heart so we shall see. HUGS

TheFaithfulDove 10/27/2016

My first marriage we were together 12 yrs. After it I didn't date foe 6 yrs and didn't get serious for 12. It's a personal process so take youe time. Same thing happened to me separated found all crap on Facebook. Can't look at it still makes me sick. It takes time. Use your coping techniques and then also the right man has changed everything for me except a little trust issue Im working on.. I have PTSD from all the crap, so that adds to the issues.

MarCis 10/27/2016

That long?? i just started and hope it does not take me that long.
Find hobbies , write blogs, go back to study

Blondie75 10/28/2016

Wow. I can't imagine the pain you went through. And obviously you will still suffer some PTSD. I'm not so sure it will ever dissipate although will become few and far between.

You may even find yourself questioning ( possibly covertly) prospective partners moving forward. All natural. Sad and difficult for sure, but you need to cut yourself some slack.

Hugs.

Lenoire 11/03/2016

If you are no longer romantically involved with him, what specifically is giving you triggers?

thiscantbeit 11/03/2016

Whenever we experience anything difficult and painful, it is normal for the things that surrounded those experiences to be triggers. Maybe you have to find a way to attach a good memory to those triggers that you are most exposed to so that you can somehow change the way they effect you. Our emotions can consume us and most times get the best of us. I've been pretty good at being able to control my emotions, except for now. In my current situation, I have struggled so much with that because of how deeply rooted they are. All I can do is bring it to God moment to moment. I have never experienced anything so painful and difficult. And managing those triggers, Lord, that struggle. But again, God is the only one that help me through this. It's a hard process but bring it all to God. Pray for healing and focus. I'm no bible thumper, but I know my own reality and this is it. God help us! And I pray that you get the healing and the peace that you need. *Hugs*

Lenoire 11/04/2016

Triggers are specific things, if you're talking overall hurt and pain, that's different. A trigger is something that triggers the memory of what happened to you. These are specific things that can be removed from your life, making it easier to heal. It's impossible to attach a good memory to a trigger, there is no such thing, that's why they're called triggers. You have to remove triggers from your life, not try to live with them. If you're constantly surrounded by triggers, you can't heal and no one can help you other than yourself, not even god, I'm sorry to say.

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