I've never posted on any sites or really read many other post until just a few days ago. Primarily because until a few months ago I thought everything was OK. Not sure how much or how little I'm supposed to share. My wife and I have been married for 16yrs. For the most part I always thought we we're happy and others that knew us would agree.  We recently moved because of my job and she started working at a new place, about 6 months ago she met some friends at work and started going out on the weekends with them. Since Covid they would video chat "happy hours" together. the fact is my wife doesn't drink but now seems to like to party with them. In the last 6 months she has decided she's not in love with me anymore and is moving out. She says she doesn't feel the same about me like she use to. She insist there is no other person, but I checked her phone records and I know she has called a guy from her work a few times. Once was on Valentines Day and another time she called him at night and talked for over 2hrs. I know there is nothing I can do about that, especially since she is has already signed a lease on an apartment. She is currently staying with her brother and has basically cut off communication with me. I sit at home every night with all of our memories of our life together and drive myself crazy. I feel like my life is spinning out of control and can't see it stopping anytime soon. Not looking for answers more just in search of a way to discuss and hopefully start to see a light at the end at some point, as faint as it might be.  We've always had one major issue that has plagued our marriage since the beginning. I have always struggled with feeling comfortable initiating sex. I was married before and that was our issue then as well. I really enjoy that act of sex with her, it has always been the initiating part. We would go to bed and I would want to reach over and touch her but would just sit with my back turned to her almost frozen. The rare occasion she would suggest we do something I would always ask if we could wait until tomorrow night. Almost like I needed to prepare mentally or whatever. Again, when we do have sex - I love it and she has always enjoyed it alot. She got to where she refused to initiate sex anymore and decided she would wait until I did and see how long it would take. So we went almost a year. I've always told her I don't know why I am this way, I've suggested we have a specific night so can we make time for it, she's always refused. Like I said, I've always struggled with this, so since I was in my early 20's I started turning to porn. It was always easier dealing with myself than the fear of reaching out to her. We've never really discussed it openly but I know she knows and we've just always ignored it, I just thought she was accepting me for who I was. Besides this one issue (granted I know it's a big issue) we have always been each others best friend. I know it's to late to fix things although I would do anything. I've suggested counseling but she refuses to go. she insist I need it (which I'm accepting of the fact that I do) but she says she doesn't need any. She recently has spent a lot of money on new clothes and she got a new sports car and a new dog. It's like she's starting this new life without me. Don't know where else to go or what else to do.