Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I was married for 10 years, separated for 7 months, have been divorced for 13 years, remarried now for 10 years.
I read the posts on this forum and don't seem to remember any of the pain many here experience when a spouse leaves or asks for a divorce. I do remember the anxiety of whether or not I could support myself and my children. I recall a sadness that my "happily ever after" wasn't coming true, but I don't remember any heart-breaking pain and loneliness.
This causes me to wonder if I knew all along the marriage was over, and I was reconciled to that even before the separation. I think I knew. I remember detaching from my ex, even when living in the same house, was so easy.
I guess I was divorced in heart, but never knew it.
I read the posts on this forum and don't seem to remember any of the pain many here experience when a spouse leaves or asks for a divorce. I do remember the anxiety of whether or not I could support myself and my children. I recall a sadness that my "happily ever after" wasn't coming true, but I don't remember any heart-breaking pain and loneliness.
This causes me to wonder if I knew all along the marriage was over, and I was reconciled to that even before the separation. I think I knew. I remember detaching from my ex, even when living in the same house, was so easy.
I guess I was divorced in heart, but never knew it.
And it basically dawned on me: the end came, but I had been struggling for years to make it work, and it wasn't. Deep down, inside, part of me knew my wife was gone long before she left physically. I had kind of moved on before she moved out.
Yep....I think my ex husband sure did toughen me up...and I'm grateful!
I struggled for years during my marriage, the divorce finally gave me peace and the ability to live my life without constant criticism.
My ex is having a hard time because he had devoted his life to his work, and totally ignored what I needed.
We went to counselling, I only went once because the therapist (who my ex picked) sided with me, and encouraged me to get divorced. She mentioned that most women who go through years of neglect, already have divorce on their agenda. My ex said she sided with me because she was a woman. He went 3 or 4 more times, I don't think he gained any insight at all, or he wouldn't have just given up on our marriage.
Today would have been our 25th anniversary. I'm not sad, I think about it - all the things we hoped for, but never achieved.
I think some of the struggles come from the professionals 'helping' you. I went to a women's attorney, and they have a weekly support group for the women (basically to b**** about how they were wronged, and what a-holes their soon to be ex's are. I just saw it as a group feeding more anger and resentment, I just didn't think it was healthy.
Every one is different, but I think it's better to just move on, and find happiness.
Even if the divorce comes right out of the blue, is it really possible to know absolutely no clue that the marriage is not in good shape? Or is it easier to deny there are problems, however slight, than to address them as they come up, pretending things are wonderful. I don't think anyone can honestly say they were caught off guard, that everything was blissfully perfect in the marriage when one spouse says goodbye.
Because I just let things go down the slippery slope in my previous marriage, I am more proactive in my current marriage. Hubby and I address issues as they come up, even if it leads to a knock-down, drag-out fight. We both feel when tension is making itself felt, when there is distance creeping in between us and we make a habit of talking about this stuff.
I'm almost five years out from when my ex and I were legally separated, and I'm just now making some progress toward feeling better.
But it doesn't have to be "blissfully perfect" to be left blindsided. I wouldn't have said that my marriage was blissfully perfect. But it was great--or so I thought. Apparently my exH chose to keep his thoughts to himself. Yes, I knew he had an affair before he left, but we were working on things--then he just jumped ship. Frankly, I was caught off guard. Quite off guard. I'd been spending an extra week back in my home country with my mum who'd just had a mini-stroke, and arrived back in the country to be told "I want a divorce". Screw that not being off guard!
I was in my marriage to the end. Fully committed. Maybe that's the difference--or at least part of it?!?!?!?