Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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bella79 05/09/2017

I am new on this group but I am looking for some advice or support before I actually seek out a psychologist or counselor. Earlier this year I married a guy from India. We were in a long distance relationship for 2 years, skyped every day, sometimes for hours, chatted throughout the day and spoke on the phone several times as well. He visited me in 2015 and spent 2 weeks with me and we instantly hit it off, not to mention my whole family including nephews loved him, except for my dad who wasn't too supportive. But he got me so well, made me feel like I understood why none of my past relationships worked out, because he was the one I was meant to be with. I got him his fiance visa and he came with his family to get married. We married earlier in the year but experienced problems because 1, his mother was very cold and indifferent towards, 2, he was a different person in front of his mom and sisters and 3, his family and him didn't seem to care less about me or my family, but it was mainly his mom and sisters and he was going along with them. I almost called off the wedding a few hours before it actually began. I was stressed because of how cold his mom was and how different he was this time that he came with his family, not to mention that I had just planned a big wedding in about 2 months. We decided to get married because I wanted to risk it. But I don't think him or his family ever forgave me for almost calling off the wedding. He decided on his own to go back to India with his mom even though I begged him not to because he'd be throwing his visa away and most likely wouldn't be able to get into the US. He said he was going to work in Australia and I could join him. I didn't think it was right for him to make such a huge decision without me, especially since we had problems that needed to be solved. Right now we're going through ending our marriage, if not with an annulment, then a divorce. It's been almost 4 months that things escalated and I can't seem to stop blaming myself for everything that went wrong. I also have so much anger and hatred towards his family, especially his mom, and I can't seem to get past it. Every day is a struggle for me. I don't know how to pick myself up. I loved him. I've never been the one that needed a man or needed to get married but I felt like he was the one I was supposed to be with. Every day I struggle not to have a breakdown. How do I get on with a normal life when I don't feel normal?

LostAndRejected 05/09/2017

Honestly there's not a good answer for you here other than to survive. Put one foot in front of the other, survive the next 15 minutes, then the next hour, then the next day. Eventually things will be less crappy than they are now (It doesn't feel like it I know). I hate to say it but "fake it until you make it".

Keep posting here to get things out. Find someone to vent to. Find a therapist to help you work through your feelings. If you're lucky enough to be in a community big enough for a divorce support group get in one.

Start doing things where you're the recipient. Eat healthy, work out, quit nicotine, get some dental work done, join a sports league, take up an instrument, etc. Your subconscious is going to be working overtime to drain your self-esteem, do everything you can to counteract that.

Take a look here: http://www.abandonment.net/swirl-the-five-stages-of-abandonment. The stuff you're feeling is NORMAL and necessary. It SUCKS but you're going to need to go through it.

You're not alone in this. You're worth getting better for!

bella79 05/09/2017

Thank you for this. I've been told similar advice about doing things for myself by friends. I guess I just have to pull myself out of this hole and get myself motivated to start. I've lost most of my self-esteem in the process and the self-blame is a killer because I feel like I caused him to leave and I could have prevented this if I had controlled my emotions a little more. I guess I also need to find a good therapist.

LoriCroit 05/11/2017

I am so sorry you are going through all this. It just doesn't seem fair after what you planned, and were so careful; but it happened, and now you are on the road to recovery!

I can't imagine exactly what you are going through, but from what you said, it sounds like you are a level-headed person and are thinking things through. You are in a state of "shock" and are now grieving a loss. All the things that the reply above is good sound advice, and I second what she said.

I would add one area to pursue if you can. You might think about attending a support group, either at your church or in the community. If you are not a "church goer" you might consider seeking out a church that has a "singles" ministry especially for divorcees.

I found this link online that might prove helpful, it's titled "Moving Forward After the Pain of Divorce." ( http://bit.ly/2q5BLFp ) I hope it is helpful. I will check back with you and see how things are going. I will be praying for you. I wish you the best possible outcome as you move forward in your life!

bella79 05/11/2017

Thank you so much for commenting. I appreciate the support. My sister advised me to join a support group and I've thought about it. My problem is that every time I talk about him or what's happened or about the wedding or about anything that happened before, I start crying and I hate crying in front of people, especially groups of people. I've cried in front of so many people since this has happened that I walk away now when someone happens to mention his name. I can't talk about him. I can't answer the question, "how are you managing?'. I break down so easily that now I hold everything inside and sometimes just break down at night when I'm alone. After everything he's said to me, called me, called my family, all the ways he's put me down, I still refuse to believe that he's a bad person because part of me feels like I broke him. He was so peaceful before. My worst fear is crying in front of a group of strangers. I don't even like talking in groups where I don't know anyone and I'm terrified of crying in front of them. Maybe once I get a little stronger I will look into a support group. I feel like it's been too long that I've been this way and I need to move on but then I think about it, the wedding was only in January and he left in February. It just seems like a really long time when it really hasn't been that long. But how long does this go on? Anyway, thank you so much for your prayers. It always helps when other people are praying for you.

mirandac 05/11/2017

Let yourself grieve your losses. Reaching out For live
support is a sign of strength not weakness. We all need
as much healthy help, love and support at This time.

Join a divorce care group and go to therapy. Anything
to help yourself move forward. Grief has its own timeline
That won't be rushed.

I went to divorce care many times. They are great And
They understand and they are there to help you move
thru your grief and the divorce. There were many tears
Mine among them.

Its 13 weeks of sessions, $25 donation and you Get a
workbook. I only paid once and to me it was more Of
a support group you are welcome as long as you need
the ongoing divorce and grieving support. HUGS

sjs777 05/11/2017

his decision to allow his family to treat you as they do is all on him, not you. His lack of involving you in a major life decision is also a reflection on him, The pedestal you see him on may also have been during the honeymoon stage of a relationship and perhaps he was able to say all the right things without acting upon his comments. you will grow strong and stand tall, but support is huge as you travel through your journey, be it your friends, family, support groups, reading etc

bella79 05/12/2017

Thank you mirandac and sjs777 for your support. It really helps to read these comments from all of you. I have started reading again like you suggested, which is something I used to love to do but haven't done much of recently. I do plan on looking into support groups and therapy in my area. I hope it will help me come to terms with what's happened and help me forgive him, his family and myself most of all. It's that anger and resentment towards them and myself that has me stuck in one place.

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