Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have been married just under 9 yrs. I have been with my husband for 11yrs. We have two small children 4 and 6 yrs old. We have been having problems off and on in the last 1 yr. I started a program to get my degree about two yrs ago and just finished in December. In that time I was working a full time job, and would come hoe to do homework and take care of our children. I didn't have much time to work out or deeply clean the house but i did try to at least cook half of the time. I was also coaching out daughters youth basketball team. When he began to complain that I wasn't spending enough time with him I changed my study schedule around and would do my school work during my breaks at work or would do it after he went to bed often killing myself to get everything done.
I supported him through five yrs of school and through many lost jobs. I pay most of the bills in the house and have even financed his vehicle. He give me about $1000 a month to help with bills and he pays for some of our fun stuff like dinners out or movies with the kids etc.
He recently told me on Thursday that he wants a divorce.. if I had wanted to keep him i would have taken care of my man. I would have cared enough to be a trophy wife, keep the house in a constant clean manner (with kids) and would smile more. He says we have been having problems a lot longer than the last two years and that I just don't listen but I do listen and everything he has ever complained about I have worked on. However, i have felt that things have been getting better.. we have been smiling and talking and making love more.. So.. I don't get it.
After he told me he wanted a divorce I found out through a bunch of lies and other bs that there is someone else.. although he swears she is not the reason he wants to leave. He began knowing her by being a friend.. an ear when she needed it because she has some health issue and has an unsupportive husband. She has three kids and works with my husband.
My husband has informed me that he will stay in our home for the next 6 months and will move out when we file in July. I told him I wanted him out now.. that i couldn't handle him being here and then him leaving as soon as the kids go to bed and being back at four in the morning in my bed until he leaves for work or he gets up with the kids in the morning. He hasnt touched me told me he loved me or kissed me.. he just sleeps my bed for the kids sake for now.
I am so lost I don't know what to do.. i don't want things to get messy for the kids sake,. i still love him and am in pain everytime i think about him with someone else and me without him for the rest of my life. My brain tells me to get over it and move on I can do better.. you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want you.. but my heart tells me that i haven't been with anyone else in over 10 yrs.. i don't want to date anyone else and I only want him.. and yet i am helpless because there is NOTHING I can do to change it.
Any advice is welcome.. how do i get over him?
I supported him through five yrs of school and through many lost jobs. I pay most of the bills in the house and have even financed his vehicle. He give me about $1000 a month to help with bills and he pays for some of our fun stuff like dinners out or movies with the kids etc.
He recently told me on Thursday that he wants a divorce.. if I had wanted to keep him i would have taken care of my man. I would have cared enough to be a trophy wife, keep the house in a constant clean manner (with kids) and would smile more. He says we have been having problems a lot longer than the last two years and that I just don't listen but I do listen and everything he has ever complained about I have worked on. However, i have felt that things have been getting better.. we have been smiling and talking and making love more.. So.. I don't get it.
After he told me he wanted a divorce I found out through a bunch of lies and other bs that there is someone else.. although he swears she is not the reason he wants to leave. He began knowing her by being a friend.. an ear when she needed it because she has some health issue and has an unsupportive husband. She has three kids and works with my husband.
My husband has informed me that he will stay in our home for the next 6 months and will move out when we file in July. I told him I wanted him out now.. that i couldn't handle him being here and then him leaving as soon as the kids go to bed and being back at four in the morning in my bed until he leaves for work or he gets up with the kids in the morning. He hasnt touched me told me he loved me or kissed me.. he just sleeps my bed for the kids sake for now.
I am so lost I don't know what to do.. i don't want things to get messy for the kids sake,. i still love him and am in pain everytime i think about him with someone else and me without him for the rest of my life. My brain tells me to get over it and move on I can do better.. you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want you.. but my heart tells me that i haven't been with anyone else in over 10 yrs.. i don't want to date anyone else and I only want him.. and yet i am helpless because there is NOTHING I can do to change it.
Any advice is welcome.. how do i get over him?
CONGRATULATIONS on getting your degree---Very best thing you could ever do for yourself and the kids. You are accomplishing so very much. I guess he appreciates nothing you do.
I know it hurts, but I think I couldn't stand to have him stay with me in my house at all. He wants a divorce, he wants a girlfriend, then he can live on his own so you can start to heal.
I wish you the very best.