Pleading won't work. The very act of "pleading" is about YOU, not about her. You might as well tell her "But... MY life will stink without you!" That's not sexy. That's not what she wants to hear. The only thing that MIGHT work is "I realize now how unhappy you were. I want you to be happy. I want to make you happy. So, I have [started therapy], [taken up pottery classes], [stopped drinking/doing drugs], [stopped spending all weekend on the golf course]..." Whatever she has been complaining about for months/years. But, in any event, YOU have to DO some damn thing. Meanwhile: Has she filed for divorce? How long do you have until it is finalized?

During the course of the 6 month mandatory separation, which is the law in my state, I asked twice about a reconciliation. Like you, I felt I needed to know that I came right out and asked. He said no both times. I am ok with that. I know I gave him two different chances. If he ever has regrets there is no question he made his choice knowing I was willing to work on our marriage.

Just to clarify, I did not plead. I simply asked the question. Don't demean yourself by pleading.

Hi, I believe you made a comment on my post. You said you wished your STBX had sat you down and told you how she was feeling to give you a chance to respond before flinging this at you. I was wondering...HAVE YOU told her HOW YOU FEEL? If she did tell you she was unhappy and you were growing apart....if you are truly willing to work with her to try again this is your chance to tell her.

I would think if you are thinking this long and hard about this, it may be a bit easier when all is said and done for YOU to know you did and said what was on your mind...That you do still love her. If she still choses to move on, you will know you left nothing unsaid.

And, speaking from a woman's point of view....I think, once the words are out....and we say we are unhappy and want/ need more we feel like we can breathe. we are leaving you know that we need to be free to move toward what we are missing. For us it is not about rubbing your face in our new found happiness. This is just as uncertain and scary for us too, but we have a new glimmer of hope that maybe we can find some of what we are missing.

If all is not yet set in stone, I hope you can may have the chance to do what your heart does tell you....If you are still up for struggling to change things for both of you, or if it is too much and simply time to begin to let go and concentrate on you and your needs.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope each day does get a little easier for you....whatever you decide. As hard as this may be, I believe you deserve to find happiness again...with or without her. (Maybe there is a different chapter for both of you.)

Just tell her. The worst thing that can happen is she says no. She could be thinking you don't want it. You won't know unless you ask. Then accept her answer if it is no.

I just left my husband a week ago and he has begged and pleaded with me to take him back and give him "one last chance". That in itself shows me that everything is about him still which is part of why I left him. I'm an actions kind of girl so I guess my advice to you is simply this. If your spouse left you for reasons x, y and z and you have truly changed those things and did so for YOU and not them then I say to sit down if they're willing to and give good concrete examples of how you have changed for the better. I will also say to make sure this isn't just a couple weeks you've changed or one month even. Making yourself a stronger and better person takes time. But please do not beg!
If this makes no sense I am sorry, I've managed less than 4 hours of sleep a night on average this week and I'm a little tired. Good luck though

Why is she leaving you? What chances did you take before she made this step?

Is this divorce completely out of the blue for you? Were there ever any complaints, or concerns voiced in the time you two were together?

You can always ask for another chance but I think realistically you have to ask how many another chances you have already had. Usually people don't divorce at the first sign of trouble. Usually they only leave after they've tried everything they can to get their needs met.

janicelux, you have been reported.

I have begged and pleaded and in the long run it is getting me no where. He said my chances were up. He said this in Feb March May. But I some how got another chance. I've been depressed all summer. Now he said last night my chances are up. I guess I was not able to change who I was enough, the sadness insecurities and jealous always showed back up. I don't understand because if I wanted to truly change for him. I guess I would have. If you think you can truly change, good luck.

Remember what lostinthecycle said, you have to change for YOU in order for it to be a real change that is genuine and will stick. And it takes time. Changing yourself for someone else rarely lasts, you revert back to your old ways.

The hard part is I don't seem to have luck changing me for me. I don't want to be this way. I feel my emotions are in control

I am sorry but both parties have the responsibility of staying in the see-saw. I say see-saw because relationships, life, etc is never in perfect balance (ever see a beautiful bird be devoured by a cat?). I am sure that over time and in the midst of life's way of throwing everything at us, both parties in a relationship forget who they are and even how to communicate properly. It is never ONE person's job to change IMO. It is the responsibility of both people to help keep the see-saw moving. Checks and balances, ups and downs, wrongs or rights. When one side gives up...it is nearly impossible for the other person to help save things no matter what level of changing they try to do. The person who left is finding ways and reasons to justify their actions and most of that will revolve around the person they left and their faults. They WANT the other person to have class for justification of leaving. If you start trying to strip away all these flaws the other person claims you have while the other person is out getting further and further from the relationship...these changes aren't going to matter. If you really WANT to make self-changes, great! Do it for you based on things you want to change.

They want the other person to have flaws*

I agree with Left behind........

We have to critically evaluate the "flaws" our partners who leave say we have. Sometimes they need to trump up flaws in order to feel justified about leaving. How would it look to others if they said they were leaving because they are bored with life at home. So they make you out to be a terrible spouse.