Breakups & Divorce Support Group
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I am in a dating limbo now. I could never figure out how dating was supposed to work and now I am just trying to catch my bearings.
I have always viewed dating as a screening method towards finding someone to get involved in a relationship with. The problem with this is that when I find someone that seems compatible I tend to try to get to the relationship phase quickly.
This girl that I have been dating for two weeks is really nice. We share a lot in common and I really want something special with her. She knows my intentions and she said that she is interested but she needs some time. In all honesty, I know that I have been putting some pressure on her and that isn't good. It is probably because she is interested in me that she hasn't ran off yet. She has never been a long term relationship before (she is 27) and the longest that she has ever dated someone is 5 weeks.
Last night after the Buffett concert we had a long talk. She said that she needs me to relax a little and be patient with her. She said that she has only known me for two weeks. She isn't really looking for something serious but she is open if it happened. I told her that this is new territory for me and I will be patient with her but she needs to be patient with me and I explained my thoughts to her.
Here is where I am at with her and it is almost confusing to me. See if you can shed some light on this for me and give me your opinion on this.
When we meet up we hug and kiss. We frequently hold hands. I did spend the night at her place one time. We do plan future events together (I am seeing her on Tuesday). When we do spend time together we have a blast and we do share a lot in common.
We were supposed to hang out today but she decided to cancel last night because she said that she just needed a break (this is fine because I was with her all day Friday and all day Saturday). I will see her on Tuesday.
My concerns are that she is getting ready to go through some changes in her life as she is starting a new job September 27th, She has never been in a long relationship before, she says that she isn't looking for one but is open if it happens, she acted a little odd at the concert but it may be because she felt a little pushed the other day, and a few other things.
I guess that it is a good sign that she hasn't run off yet as I probably have put a little pressure on her. I do worry about someone else swinging in and stealing her away but that is probably my low self confidence chiming in because I know that I should be a pretty good catch for her. I guess that I have a hard time sitting back, being patient, and waiting. I seriously fear that I will fall for her and she won't fall for me.
Today I am going to try to not text or call her and see where that goes. Last night, after the concert, I was taking her home and I told her that I would be out of her hair soon and she did quickly reply "don't say it that way." I am wondering if she will text me or call me today. It is so hard not too but maybe if I do this it will make her start coming after me since she does seem to like me.
Any thoughts?
I have always viewed dating as a screening method towards finding someone to get involved in a relationship with. The problem with this is that when I find someone that seems compatible I tend to try to get to the relationship phase quickly.
This girl that I have been dating for two weeks is really nice. We share a lot in common and I really want something special with her. She knows my intentions and she said that she is interested but she needs some time. In all honesty, I know that I have been putting some pressure on her and that isn't good. It is probably because she is interested in me that she hasn't ran off yet. She has never been a long term relationship before (she is 27) and the longest that she has ever dated someone is 5 weeks.
Last night after the Buffett concert we had a long talk. She said that she needs me to relax a little and be patient with her. She said that she has only known me for two weeks. She isn't really looking for something serious but she is open if it happened. I told her that this is new territory for me and I will be patient with her but she needs to be patient with me and I explained my thoughts to her.
Here is where I am at with her and it is almost confusing to me. See if you can shed some light on this for me and give me your opinion on this.
When we meet up we hug and kiss. We frequently hold hands. I did spend the night at her place one time. We do plan future events together (I am seeing her on Tuesday). When we do spend time together we have a blast and we do share a lot in common.
We were supposed to hang out today but she decided to cancel last night because she said that she just needed a break (this is fine because I was with her all day Friday and all day Saturday). I will see her on Tuesday.
My concerns are that she is getting ready to go through some changes in her life as she is starting a new job September 27th, She has never been in a long relationship before, she says that she isn't looking for one but is open if it happens, she acted a little odd at the concert but it may be because she felt a little pushed the other day, and a few other things.
I guess that it is a good sign that she hasn't run off yet as I probably have put a little pressure on her. I do worry about someone else swinging in and stealing her away but that is probably my low self confidence chiming in because I know that I should be a pretty good catch for her. I guess that I have a hard time sitting back, being patient, and waiting. I seriously fear that I will fall for her and she won't fall for me.
Today I am going to try to not text or call her and see where that goes. Last night, after the concert, I was taking her home and I told her that I would be out of her hair soon and she did quickly reply "don't say it that way." I am wondering if she will text me or call me today. It is so hard not too but maybe if I do this it will make her start coming after me since she does seem to like me.
Any thoughts?
Back off and seem less interested. Do not spend all day with her on any given day...you are very early in the relationship. If a guy acts this available right from the start, we wonder what is wrong with him. Of course, you are great and there is nothing wrong with you, but she doesn't know that.
From what you wrote, she does like you. No way she would spend that much time with you and say 'don't say it that way' if she didn't like you and wasn't also a kind person. She is not going anywhere and if she does, you deserve better.
If you really want to secure her as a GF, back off and act happy whether you see her or not. Make plans. Ask her to join you, but go even if she doesn't. You have to be careful not to give off a desperate vibe. Pressuring her gives off that vibe, even if it is slight pressure..
no more self-deprecating comments like 'I will be out of your hair soon', either. That comes across as low-self esteem or fishing for a build-up compliment, even if you are just wondering how she feels about you when you say it...
I wish you the best with her. And, like I said, I really think she likes you. :)
Go sail your boat, and come home with a nice story to tell her. Hold off on the romantic stuff for a little while.
This whole dating thing is frustrating!
I don't want to hurt your feelings or upset you, but I wonder how you know after two weeks that you want something special with her. You barely know her. I wonder if it might be a good idea to examine yourself, your motivations, your need to connect with someone so quickly.
She definitely sounds interested in you! But I would give her space and room to grow. If you back off a bit, she can have that space she needs to hopefully grow towards you.
Good luck!
I had told you to take it slow. Please do if you want to keep this girl. She has mapped it out for you. Listen and pick up on her cues. She is telling you what it will take.
I hate to date! I do...I'm going to skip that part and just marry the first man that asks....skip the date part and straight to the altar. *kick me now*
That is how I see it.
You are overwhelming her and I believe you should back off a bit.
This is way too far and fast for two weeks.
Especially with someone who makes it to 27 w/o a serious relationship...
I am glad to hear that you met someone you like and I hope you can modify your behavior to fit her comfort zone and yours...
1, never pick a woman who hasn't got a history that includes a long term relationship.
2. pick a woman who needs you more than you need her.
3. the rules of dating are that you take a step, she takes a step. never take another step until she first took her step. (you gave her flowers twice, she gave you nothing.)
4. she is 27 and has never been in a long term relationship and is not looking for one. translation: she is commitment-phobic. she has no part of her that needs to love a man. she is not a giver.
5. you are needing this woman too much. she knows you do. that spells disaster because you have given her all of the "cards."
6. you have set yourself up for a huge fall already with this woman. i don't see any way that you can recover from your mistakes with her.
sorry to sound blunt. but, if i were in your shoes, i would want another guy's honest opinion like this.
But you are not ready to date, you are showing signs of being a codependent and you look like you need someone in your life.
You have jumped in way over your head and this women you like you are smothering.
I send my girlfriend flowers once a month and between her and her coworkers I am treated like a king, a few times in 2 weeks smells of desperation. Also to be spending the night so early to me means one of two things, you are looking for a quick lay, which is fine if your both on the same page, or you are already trying to replace your ex and feel the need to act like you are more than you are right now.
Step back and be happy with yourself, until you can be happy alone, you will never be happy in a relationship, because you will sit and question every word and action to analyze them, and I will tell you, when you do that you will be thinking the bad more than the good, just as you are in this thread.
Best of luck with whatever happens, hopefully this works out for you.