Good for you. I worry about my children too when my husband finally moved out. He thinks they'll be fine but he is a child of divorce and incapable of emotional connection..... I thin as mothers we need to be strong for our kids. My kids see me when I'm sad and is sympathetic so atleast I know they have the emotional capacity.

Yes that's what it is incapable of emotional connection.

In my state (or maybe it's just the county) we are required to take a "parenting class" which is given by a child custody mediator who deals with the common crap deals the parents who can't just get along to discuss the kids custody is concerned. It was so eye opening on what simple things affect the kids that I even realized that I was involving my kids more than need be - and I thought I was pretty level headed on this all (i was wrong).

One thing I learned is that we as parents (even if it's only one of the parents) need to stay strong for the kids and get an emmy for best parent acting when the kids are around - aka put on a happy face and sing songs for those loves of ours.
DO NOT LET THE KIDS SEE YOU CRYING AND BREAKING DOWN!
Hide that crap for after they're in bed or when you're in the bathroom. They need to feel like they are taken care of and not that they have to take care of you. If their super mom is breaking down they are thinking "who is going to take care of me if she is balling on the bathroom floor?" They will feel bad for you and then not want to make YOU sad - you just took the attn and focus about themselves and are indirectly asking them to feel bad for you.

Do NOT make comments about 'well we don't have money because your father didn't pay me yet." Just say we don't have the money for that right now.

Regardless of how terrible we feel, hide it from them. Make sure you keep them on their routine and do not bad mouth their father - kids will always want to naturally connect with the "away" parent more so than the parent they are with more and getting the rules from, but in the end the good parent who had their hearts in mind will always win.
As for how they are taking it - yes, they are taking it hard because they feel like things are falling apart. Stop letting them feel that way. Tell them you will do your best to keep everything together but some things will change as far as daddy being home is concerned. Reassure them they will always be taken care of by you and that you love them. Give them a new norm to be comforted by.
And of course, get them counseling. Start with the school and see where you can go from there, unless you know of a therapy group near you that you can have covered by insurance.
Good luck and your children will pull through - they will feed off of you. Let your StBX be gone...you be present - for those kids. You got this - you're a mom. you got this. :)

That was an amazing heartfelt response and dear God did I need that. I'm so scared of the legal and formal part of everything. I am still in a state of shock. I have done all of the things I was NOT supposed to do on that list. I've blamed them, shamed them, resented them. See I've always been super mom and I crashed and burned and then he left. He believes in picking them up from school, homework help and dropping them back off to me. He doesn't care that my income is limited and the family courts are backed up for months. I can't afford a lawyer. Even though he left I am still at his mercy. This is so damn hard.

Have you contacted any attorneys for a consultation? Most will give you one for free. I called three. One gave me a whole hour ... the other two gave me less than 30 minutes. Still, I got a lot of info and a lot of help. I felt so much better after I spoke to them. Like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders!

Don't think about the legal process yet. Think about living a new life like you are divorced. Communicate with him that you get he's done and gone - however, you are entitled to half. You are not asking to get your nails done all the time but you are concerned about regular bills. List them all out and say this is what was paid by you prior to this all and this is what we need to maintain life until we start the legal side of things. You don't need to rush the legal side - if he wants to, then he will most likely give you more than he has to out of guilt. If he serves you you have time to go get a consult with a lawyer to ask for their opinion. But honestly if he sees you're just like fine, leave, but we still hvae bills and the kids lives can't be disrupted further. if he doesn't care, then he can sell the house and you get 50% of the equity so you can get your own place for them.
It's definitely overwhelming - breath and take one day at a time. One task at a time. First on the list - get your acting face on for those kids. Be happy to get them and do everything for them like you did when he was around. Next thing you know you're in a new routine/habit. Then you can go to the next new task. Kids first. You crashing (behind the scenes) second. :) I know how you feel. We all do. It's all overwhelming - fear of the unknown is HUGE, but guess what? We all make it work. I'm literally living less than paycheck to paycheck because got a lawyer out of fear of the unknown and threats he was going to rake me over the coals, etc.... But I got my backbone and now I'm/we are good and the lawyer will be giving me part of my retainer back so i can repay the loan back and get back my $300/month cushion. WOOHOO!
One thing at a time. that's all you need to do. :) I hope you feel me smiling at you that you can do this. Forget what he believes or feels - this is about you now. You and those kids feeling their momma has their back.

When I tell you I love this site I mean it. Yes he still does a lot with the kids out of guilt. I am waiting to be served. I want to get a lawyer so the kids can be ok financially. I'm getting stronger but I still wish we could have stayed together. It's so sad the way families split. I always think was it really that bad. I last spoke with him 12 hours ago and nothing in between. Him and I were inseparable at one point. How does the love fade...

Going thru this myself. My situation is the wife moved out and in with the boyfriend. So I am taking care of our 2 boys. I've got them into counseling as well as myself. We've kept the normal routine with school and extra curricular activities. So they remained busy and on a normal schedule. It has been tough on them because of the uncertainty and the family broken apart. They are the innocent victims of selfish behavior. Recommend the lawyer route as well to protect yourself. If I shared some of the things she and her BF have done during this process it would surprise you. She could have had over night visitation with the boys starting the beginning of November and yes yet to do so. She has only seen them 3 times during the month of November for a total of 9 hours. When she calls it is no more than a 5 minute call. Some days I think I'm in a nightmare. Just take it a day at a time and keep breathing.

A nightmare is what it is. I'm so sorry for you and the boys.

That's the struggle I have - how is it one day we're talking about moving the kids around to different rooms and then boom he wants out. I probably will never get an answer .... I would never be able to leave my kids like that. How do people lose love for their own kids!?

I don't know how they detach. I would never leave the home of my children unless there was a serious threat. They are very selfish.

I don't think they lose love for their own kids. I don't think they ever had it in the first place. They may have had some feelings they identified as "love," but true parental love? No. If they did, they couldn't hurt them like that.