they say that in long term relationships that people fall in and out of love many times, but that anything worth having is worth fighting for. But that is a decision for us all to make individually. Similarly, unspoken displease may be unknown to others, including your wife. Patterns can be broken when addressed or deeper engrained if further fed. Just food for thought with so little information posted. One last comment; placing the onus and burden of success of a relationship on just our partners serves only to lay blame

I could be way off base on what the root of your short comment refers to but thought i would offer a differing view

sjs --

I didn't have a response for Luffy - because I have NO clue and I am trying to figure all of this out myself but your response was very profound and thought provoking.

Short and to the point. But now you have left open EVERY possible thought and feeling. So I’m wondering if you can or want to elaborate. And is it the; I love her but I’m not in love with her? Which I have heard from my wife a decade ago. During her affair. What it means is; I love you but I don’t want to have sex with you. This was painful for me because I have loved her since the second we met. And if we ever go our separate ways, I will continue to love her. For a long time she has loved me like a brother. As family, not as a husband. Finally accepting this has inspired me to begin to move on. Considering life without her in my every day life. I am focusing on loving myself, which I stopped doing years ago. I have to ask; Do You love yourself? I am finding that the deeper inward I go to knowing myself I am falling deeper in love with my wife. On this beautiful level that I didn’t know existed.or I didn’t know how to express. I see now how you can’t have one without the other. This is the mistake we made in our marriage. And now that we are living in open hearted communication it’s possible that it may be to late to save our marriage, but accepting this may bring us together. A bittersweet breakup if it comes to that. However, as it was said above, this is something worth fighting for. The most important thing in my life. But thankfully if we don’t make it, at least I will know that I was aware of the potential. And that alone is inspired. And I think it will make meeting another woman, or another man for her, a sweeter experience. I can only imagine the pain of a bad breakup. If there is any love left in a relationship it should be used towards a kind letting go. So now I am curious, do you have any love left?

I married my wife 17 years ago shorty after I got her pregnant. I started getting depressed in 2004. My wife never worked and was always critical. We basically has a sex less marriage from 2007 til present. No touching no kissing no I love you.

My husband said he wasnt in love with me, we went to counseling but the whole time he was seeing another woman, so we got a divorce but we still were having sex, doing activities together planning future plans and I felt blind sides but it's done he threw away our life, he moved in with the other woman hasn't had any contact with our children. Had no idea my life would go this way

I'm not sure if I'm not better off without her. She says she still loves me but I'm not excited anymore about her

I'm not sure if I'm not better off without her. She says she still loves me but I'm not excited anymore about her. She's beautiful. But even seeing her naked doesn't do anything for me

That’s so sad. Could some time apart make your heart grow fonder? Marriage counseling or individual might help you to find the joy in yourself. I am finding that the more I take responsibility for my own happiness and health that I am wanting sex more. And at a deeper level. Might be worth a try. No down side. You will just understand and love yourself more. I guess I am a hopeless romantic. I want to believe that love can win if really given a fair chance. Talk to me in a few years and I may not be so optimistic. Time will tell. In the meantime healing myself and striving to be a better man, I went from a sexless marriage last year to playing every week. So I know there’s something to it. Just don’t know if we can keep the spark lit. I wish you all the best.

I just got diagnosed as several depressed and anxiety disorder. I didn't have that before I married her. I'm going to start counseling. I've got to try to make a change for myself for the better

That’s a great first step. Explore the wonder that is you. Even when we can’t see it, it’s there waiting for us. Always available to us when we make time to accept ourselves. I have learned ‘the secret’ of saving our marriage. And it’s that I accept me and know that she’s not responsible for my happiness. Or even my sexual satisfaction. Now that I have accepted this it seems so obvious. But when I was in my funk ( twelve years!) I was blind to this. She has enough trying to get in touch with and heal her own issues. Not be overwhelmed with my needs. Giving us both a break from expecting the impossible (and unrealistic)! has changed how we see eachother. Just being responsible for you Will help set you on the right path. Be open, be vulnerable. I found the first three months of intense therapy were the hardest. Painful to see our flaws and mistakes up close and personal. But my key was acceptance them I was able to move forward. Without my ego pulling me back. And remember that you can’t change the past, just learn from it. Good luck and keep expressing yourself. There is nothing that you can’t say here. Well almost nothing lol. But you know what I mean.

I always feel like divorce should be that last resort, that if both people want to make it work, if there is even a little bit of feelings left...TRY!!
Try a different place, do something you have never done before, step way outside the box if you want your marriage and if she is willing to also. Good luck!!

That's just it. I don't think I have anymore feelings for her other than roommate or friend

That's sad. Guess people really do fall out love that easy.

Well your not sure, so I would not rush a decision, work on the friendship part, do things that friends do, really focus on being the best friend you can be, if she is willing, try new things together, something that you would never do before, something like ball room dancing or random weekend get away, Maybe if you can be friends again, the rest will follow...I just suggest if you are on the fence, and just can't really decide...don't decide yet, just work with the feelings you are sure of, talk with her about what feelings she has or does not have, and see what you both still have in common, and if you are both willing to try something that is new to both of you...just a thought.

Very frustrating to feel that way...especially if it has been a long relationship. Are you sure you've fallen out of love, or maybe you've just become a complacent couple...the kind that slowly drift apart while chasing the many distractions life throws our way? If you think that is the case, there are some really good weekend marriage intensives that might help you guys rekindle that spark. I'm sure if you did an internet search for marriage weekend retreats or something like that,you'd b able to find a few good ones. I guess what it comes down to, though, is whether you want to do whatever it takes to save you marriage. IMHO there are few things more important that fighting for your marriage.