I'm so sorry. I am in the same boat as to why the reasons he gives me are so unworkable. Financial, living space, and small grievances with how we get along. Nothing in my opinion that could not be worked out. I'm guess i'm lucky where he is not totally convinced on divorce just yet but he is pretty freaking close which scares the hell out of me. I know couples that have had much bigger issues and worked through them. Makes me ask myself why am i not good enough for him to want to work this out. It is the most painful thing to have to get through. i'm so sorry he didn't agree to the discernment counseling. hugs to you

Oh man, I am in the same exact boat as both of you. She wants me to go to discernment counseling, but only because she knows it's done, and she wants to have a co-parenting plan. As with both of you, the reasons seem kind of small when compared to what I have heard from others. Not enough appreciation, not enough showering her with little gifts, etc. I also feel like I am not good enough. I have set up a potential meeting with a social worker to come up with a co-parenting plan, and she seems to be ok with that. She keeps telling me she thinks the problems between us are irreparable. Not sure why that is, as I am going to counseling to work on myself and the issues we have definitely are my fault at some level. The funny thing is, all of my friends and family are now coming out of the woodworks saying how bad of a person she is and how they never said anything because they love me and they knew I loved her. Makes me wonder if I am making a mistake by wanting to fix this. And she even admits to this being at a standstill (I want to fix it, she does not) and she does not know where to go from here. I have graciously told her that we should probably do this her way, because I don't want to be with someone who does not love me unconditionally. I deserve more than that. At least, I think I do some of the time.

I am in the same boat but we have not gone to counseling. He refuses. If we do proceed with divorce I know the counseling part will be required. I think the person may be mentally ill or have underlying issues they aren't willing to deal with. (((Hugs)))

Thanks - I told him I would still like us to go. If he wants to have an amicable divorce he owes me one session. It's just infuriating that I'm the only one trying and he could care less, just going through the motions like this 10 year marriage meant nothing to him. I would like him to atleast acknowledge that he was at fault as well by emotionally shutting me down. How could I have worked on our relationship if he never told me anything was wrong and if he didn't do anything to fix it. He needs to own up to the fact that he gave up without trying and he will have to explain to the kids one day.