It doesn't matter who wanted the divorce , no matter what it is painful for both parties at some level ,although situations vary. You just have to try to move on and not think of what was but what is. Your decision to leave the marriage was a choice you made and for you it was the right one. No one can go back so all there is ,is to move forward.

It is unbelievable how 2 people who were once SO in love can grow apart and breakup! And I don't understand those who say, "well, things are not like that anymore." My question is "why?!" Why not look at all you have been through together and treasure the past to create an even brighter and better future! And I also cannot understand how anyone would want to "destroy" someone else; especially the person they once were in love with and have children with.

Do not be like him and try to "fight" him. Defend yourself and stand up for yourself. Do not overreact and think before you act.

I greatly admire those of you who have left your country to be in a new country and be with your spouse. It is indeed a huge move and commitment. Yet, when he/she leaves, you are on your own and alone more than you were, even with friends you have in your new country.

Just take it day one day at a time.

Nobody really destroys anybody in court other than to assign blame and settle any monetary affairs. Your not going to a criminal court its family law court. They are pretty good at assigning blame and cutting through the crap people accuse others of. Remember to keep to the truth and defend yourself if you did nothing wrong. I you did do something wrong make sure he doesn't exaggerate what happened. The courts try to find common ground first, basically going by what both parties agree happened, then they use logic and testimony to figure out what else happened. They don't mess around. Be careful what you say. Best to have a good lawyer as they know the traps to avoid, like if you just poorly word a statement such that it now falsely incriminates you. Lawyer are worth the money most times but not always. Some charge so much there is little left for you to take from the whole thing. Some people are OK with that so long as they are protected from criminal charges etc. They use legal experts who know what to say to water down what happened.

He wants to settle things just between the two of us and avoid lawyers and courts. He offers me less money than I am entitled to, because after all, "this is HIS money, which he made while I just stayed at home with the kids" (we agreed I would stay and raise them, got a job when they started school). I am tempted to accept that just because I am not strong enough to fight him right now, even though people tell me I am making a huge mistake, especially my attorney. We live in a common property state and I am entitled to half of everything, even though i don't want it, I just want to make sure my kids will be taken care of if something happens to him.

Still trying to work on my "if only". Things went really downhill when we relocated a few years ago. He always hated our new location. Before separation, I even asked him to sell the house and move back, or move to another city where we could start over. When I asked for divorce and he said he didn't know what to do to keep me by his side, I gave him a list of small changes we could make together and he didn't do any of it. He says I gave up on the marriage but other than saying "I love you", he didn't match his words with his acts. I am not blaming all on him, I failed too, and failed bad, but we are all suffering now. Even wondering if I should just have stayed. I was miserable but at least I wouldn't feel like I betrayed a commitment I made.

I am not a horrible person. I am kind. I believe in God. I love to help and I try to make people around me happy and comfortable. I am the best mother I can. For many years I was the best wife I could. I don't understand what I did so wrong to be in this black hole. It just feels it will never get better and I must live with the feeling of destroying our family.

AveFenix, there are things you can do to protect yourself from your stbx and from predatory lawyers. First thing is just simply be fair, not letting the lawyer spin you up with ideas that you will get over on him and please be fair with the children, visitation and parenting time should NEVER be used as bargaining tools. Please don't assume more blame than you deserve, it takes two. I know it would be easier to just walk away empty handed and let him have everything, don't do that, it's not fair to yourself and ultimately your children. Remember you have to provide them with a nice place to live or they will use that against you in court. Good luck and God bless.