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JWMS47 08/26/2017

Has anyone been with someone who was after your money, but, at first, paid for everything?

I have some concerns that my friend Jill's boyfriend may just be after her money. Having just come out of a relationship myself, my opinion may be jaded so I am putting this out here for less biased opinions.

Jill is 48 and her boyfriend is 59. They met online. He has been married twice. They have been together 7 months. She thinks I am overreacting because he has paid for most of their dates, up until recently.

Here are some things that make me question his intentions. He is retired and has a teenage child. (She has no children.) He exaggerates about his previous compensation (I have access to compensation surveys though my work and the compensation he says is triple what the survey data shows)

He has asked her about 1) her compensation 2) her remaining mortgage 3) her credit score 4) what her father did professionally and the properties he owns (her father is very affluent).

Recently he has emailed her various property listings for $2 million and up, (that are close to where he lives) and he has suggested that she have her dad buy her one of them. He told her he wants her to live closer to him so he can spend more time with her. But he doesn't live in a place this expensive himself and he did not when he was married. Not to mention, he lives just 30 minutes away and he is not working. This seems like a red flag to me.

Recently he told her he needs to cut back on going out to expensive dinners and he would understand if she wanted to 'be with someone else who wants to go out more.' So now, she pays when they go out. He has also suggested they vacation at her parents property.

I have concerns he is manipulative and just playing on her kindness.

Thoughts on the situation?

11Christmases 08/27/2017

You may be onto something. He seems overly interested in her finances. Why is he not working? Did he retire early? I don't have experience online dating, but I've been told by other women that a lot of the men are looking for a "sugar mama". Can you do a free online check on him to see if he filed for bankruptcy? Maybe see if he has taken out mortgages with other women? There must be some "dirt" available on him. That info might wake your friend up.

Punk 08/27/2017

i sense disaster seems he is in it for the money and as soon as its gone so wont he dont trust him i wish you the best of luck

run2bfree 08/27/2017

I think if you are questioning it and posting it, your subconscious may have picked up something. Listen to your gut, it is always right. Might be good to take your time, check him out ahead before you get more attached. You can hire a private investigator to check him out, I did that once and it was well worth it, good luck

JWMS47 08/27/2017

Supposedly, he took an early retirement in a corporate downsizing. It seems like a lot of financial questions for him to be asking her.

I also don't like how suddenly he can't go out for dinner anymore, to places where they used to go regularly, unless she pays. I think he is a player who is just after money and he is testing her to see how agreeable she is to paying for him and to whether he can get a bigger payoff down the road.

kayjay123 08/28/2017

I think your suspicions are probably correct. I'm in the same position as your friend and tried the online method of meeting men. After the last 'man' blew up at me when my reply to his question of 'what I want in a man' concluded with 'he must be able to support himself' and called me a gold digger! I deleted my account. Unfortunately, her heart is invested now. A man who is isn't after her money but rather her heart would simply let her know his circumstances and ask her out to activities he can afford, no apologies or requests for her to money up. You are right that his interest in her finances are red flags. You are being a good friend. She is lucky. It sounds like she can afford to hire some investigation that would put either her heart or your mind at rest. Attorneys and police both have access to databases that may answer some questions if she has any good friends in those professions. Your friend can think of it as proving to you that you are wrong rather than she doesn't trust him. Unfortunately, some women feel it is worth the risk rather than being alone.

jojored 08/28/2017

Hook, line, and sinker!

I'm afraid you very well may be right about your friend's BF.

Tread carefully, you don't want to lose her friendship.

JWMS47 08/28/2017

No, I definitely do not want to lose her friendship. I guess I have said enough and need to back off It is helpful to hear that others see his behavior the way I do. Hopefully, things do not end badly.

Songbird2582 09/04/2017

A lot of information is part of the public record that you can access. Bankruptcies, civil suits, foreclosures, short sales, sheriff sales, etc. All you need is the county where the event may have occurred. This is U.S. based. Truthfinder is pretty good and inexpensive. His behavior sounds very suspicious.

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