Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
It's been two weeks since my break up. I am stuck in self-pity. I am bogged down by hurt. I can't focus. I haven't eaten a full meal since the day things ended.
What I really want to do is fix it. I want to repair the relationship. But I know no matter how hard I want or work at it, my unilateral efforts to make us work are futile.
I know what I should be doing. I should take this time to be a little selfish - focus on me. I should stay busy - engross myself in my child, work and exercise.
I should squash my fear of being alone. That's perhaps my greatest foe - my fear of being alone. I've struggled with it my entire life. And I'm not talking about moments of being alone. I'm talking about a fear of being alone the rest of my life. I'm north of 45 and have been in two relationships my adult life, the first lasting 22 years. It was horrible, and I stuck around because I thought it was the right thing to do for our children (23, 19 and 12).
I realized that was a mistake, and enduring that toxic relationship was the worst decision for my kids. I quickly met another woman who is considerably younger (she's in her late 20s) than I. She taught me what love, patience and kindess in a relationship truly is. But after a year and a half, our age difference was illuminated for her by the deaths of two special people in her life. She is afraid of losing me when she is still relatively young with a lot of life yet to live, so she has chosen to lose me now. How can I argue that? It's incredibly selfish of me to fight for her. But we do love each other, and that reality blurs my ability to reason and stokes the fire inside me to continue the fight for us. But again, those efforts scream futility and desperation. I don't want to be weak. I want to be okay with my single self. I want to focus on my 12-year-old and me. But it all seems so impossible right now.
I just need to move on, but I am struggling to flip that switch.
that is frozen lol- how we all know- yes its not all you, it is your "familiar" that
makes the switch like frozen-because you nailed it all what and where your
focus should be.I mean I wish a crowd of us could climb on the switch and
f-l-i-p it but reality is ,it sucks, its what it is, nobody likes that but this is key:
Like its all about perspective though-utilize fully that optimistic reality perspective. You have to flip the switch- the quicker you do it(like a bad tasting med-the smaller that mountain gets-the farther away you move from
a mountain does it not look smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller-
yes do indulge in your 12 year old and focusing on you yes yes as you do-
that switch that you have to flip is getting softer and softer and softer to flip
Peace, Light , Positive Energy to you!
We know if a person ia worth the chance but we shouldnt take that chance unless it is Gods plan. He is the only way for you to get your answer. Too many people marry people they seeked and didnt use the person who made us in his image with your mate already created for you. Good luck and God Bless
Grieve, take a breath. Don’t shut down. Seek counseling, talk to a person. These forums are good, saved my bacon, but a real person will help.
Hang in there. I understand somewhat of what you are going through. Be safe.
I"m sorry she seemed the one for you...and that hurts. It sucks. It will hurt...but you not eating is not going to make her come back. Then eat. Whatever punishment you're doling out to yourself...you got to ask yourself...by punishing myself this way...is this going to make her come back? No it isn't.
Right now...you're down b/c of your loss...and I've been there...I was not caring about any self improvement whatsoever at this stage. I just wanted to wallow and act dead. LOL
I have gone thru the motions and put on a sunny face for others...but you have to allow yourself a little bit of each. Cry when you need to, wipe those tears and be functional when your daughter needs you, and spend some time doing stuff that you like.
You don't have to be a saint thru a break up. You are allowed to be piss, angry, and hurt. But don't hurt anyone. Journal, cry, watch sad movies that make you cry...and cry a bit more. Get it out.
I think when we pretend to be ok...we end up burying our grief and it oozes out when we least expect it...like when someone cuts us off driving...and instead of letting it go...we plot about ways to blow up their car. (LOL...bad example don't do it!!!).
It sucks...I know...and it will suck.
sending you light and love!