Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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rose77 07/06/2009

I just don't know why I can be so angry with him until he is in my face. I had to get a new refrigerator and when he found out he told my son well I better not see that charge on my account. So I got out the credit cards that he is paying for and taped them to the mail I had for him. Of cause I didn't use them I even took out the PC Richards card in my name because I got a deal if I did so. Anyway when he came over three days later I handed him the mail with the cards taped to them. He didn't say anything about the cards and he asked me very nicely (he was in his Hyde not jeckel mood) how much did I pay and I told him. Now that is what I am talking about I know I should have said it is none of your business, but his mood was nice, and his mood always reflect mine. Then he goes and tells me that I should have told him he would have gone to this place he knows, which would have been cheaper and so on. And as he is leaving he keeps telling me if you need me I have my phone on call me. Now I just want to tell him to screw himself. His mood swing kills me and I don't want to be nice to him. I should have been able to say listen I would not use your cards and what I do for this house is not your business since you are not paying the mortgage. Why can't I face up at all times not just going back at him when he is mad. I don't know if its because when he is nice I think of he cares about me. I can't stand this I just want to be done with this and start my life.

Melin2 07/06/2009

Rose, being meek doesn't mean you are weak. You are a peacekeeper and you didn't stoop to his level. He probably doesn't like himself when he has these outbursts and says ugly things like that. The best revenge is to never let him know it bothered you. Kill him with kindness and he won't be able to stand it.

deleted_user 07/06/2009

well I believe there is a time and place for everything, if he wouldve came in all huffy-puffy and pissy with you then you would have no reason to hold it in- you no longer have to deal with the BS, then you could really lay into him.

But, as you said- he was in his calm mood, dont stir the pot, just be ready the next time he thinks he can walk in there treating you like shit.

You can read my journals if you want- Im dealing with the same jekyl and hide syndrome.

deleted_user 07/06/2009

Up and down, round and round... the relationship has taken another turn and you need to find what is comfortable for you. you keep slipping back into what was (in your mind) and how you behaved.
If it is'nt what you feel comfortable with, you'll change.
Stay Strong.

deleted_user 07/06/2009

You aren't weak. You just want to show that you aren't a hag, I'll bet, and are also being mature. See? That's what I am talking about. Melin gave good advice. Mudslinging serves no purpose and cuts down communiction. Additionally, we lose what little pull we have with them. The Jekyl Hyde thing, Thanks for making that clear. If I would have let my stbx find a fridge, (and he would have insisted) he would have brought me one that wasn't quite right and insisted that it was just as good or better and that he paid a little more even though he got a good deal.Forget that I am really good at researching! If I asked to see the reciept, he wouldn't be able to find it, (because he was lying and really got the thing from ow's relative or whatever). And yes, I find it hard to be mad or evened out when he is being nice. I tell him too much and get burned every time. Thanks for the post !

rose77 07/06/2009

Thanks for your comments I don't like to think of my self as giving in or weak so. I would rather think of myself as all that you have said. Yes justspiffy that Jekyl Hyde thing kills me, me and the kids never know which personality he will be. My marrige was walking on egg shells half the time. The sad part is the kids had to deal with it too. now for the most part becaues he is out of the house they sometimes make jokes about it, but I know it still hurts them the way he can be nice to them and a second later turn around and be nasty. They both just say well thats dad.

Lily61 07/06/2009

Rose,

I think you are just fine being decent and kind. Nothing is really gained by being mean or rude in response to him.

If you feel uncomfortable answering his inquiries, always keep a few questions or statements ready to redirect the conversation. When he asks something that is none of his business, ask a polite question in return. (e.g. Oh, why do you ask?) Or, you can quickly change the subject completely without ever answering his question. (Oh, by the way, did I remember to tell you that ...) You can remain polite and not ever answer the question. It just takes a little practice. Watch the politicians on TV. They have developed a great skill at not answering the questions they are asked. ;)

rose77 07/07/2009

Thanks Lily that is good advise. I do feel uncomfortable answering him and I feel uncomfortable not answering him so that is a good idea.

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