Brittany, I know exactly how you feel. This has been going on for over a year for me and I want a change. I am hoping that since my divorce will be wrapped up soon it will be a release. I wish you the best, I think time is on our side. The longer it gets the better and more easy to move on.

I sure hope so.... I am just so tired of dealing with all this.

It's a roller coaster for awhile, then it eventually levels out.

I'm continuously shocked at how much longer it is taking me to feel like I'm "over" him than I originally thought. It really, really sucks. I understand exactly how you feel. ((hugs))

Brittany-

I know this is hard and that it sucks. I've been through it too. Unfortunately it's all part of the process.

I thought I was doing so well too but then this summer (which was 7 months post our separation and 6 months post divorce) I found out he was living with the OW from when I caught him having an affair.

This supposedly ended but now I'm thinking not so much. So not only have I had to deal with the roller coaster of him moving on, but deal with the thought that he never ended it with the OW. Talk about two hard pills to swallow. The impending holidays don't help any of us and that may be part of your emotional roller coaster.

We're here for you. Sending support.

http://lemaym1.wordpress.com/

Yeah this roller coaster of feelings really sucks. I am at a year post seperation (waiting for the final word from the courts) well almost a year x-mas day to be exact. I had just wrote a journal about how I was feeling better this week and I just want to grab onto this feeling and hold it forever. but I know there is a down slope just around the corner, how long it will take to get here is anyones guess, my situation is a bit different than most and I really probably shouldn't be doing as well as I am, considering she still lives with me. We WILL get through this in time... Take care of yourself..

I am just so in the same boat as you are and even with the others here. Been 7 months since I decided to walk away and had enough and went NC. After 5 months, serendipity happened and we met unexpectedly, it was during a night out with a cousin and well, we kissed. He was back in my life but people rarely changed and well, things never get to be the same, I got so anxious and I know deep in my heart I no longer trust him in spite of the love. So after a week of meeting again, I broke it up again and told him that I no longer trust him. It felt good to be honest and move on. But last night, for some unknown and weird reason, before going to bed, the thoughts of the past came rushing and oh -- all the painful things was playing in my mind again. That resulted to a lot of tears spilled in my pillow and it still hurts. And I am tired of it but I am hopeful that sooner or later, it will all just go away. I can't wait to move forward and just get the memories and the pain out of my system. I believe it in my heart I have forgiven him and wished him happiness but my heart is still broken. Sometimes this is the rough part, it takes a lot of time to mend it and it does send you off to that roller coaster ride. This is where we really have to believe that time is all we need. I wish you the best, Brittany.

I agree with neverceases. The holidays are not helping at all. For me, they are making this so much harder. I think about all of the holidays we spent together and it really hurts. I go through the same thing as you with the ups and downs. It's awful. I have contact with him which is a HUGE mistake and that also doesn't help. I know that I shouldn't be talking to him, but I can't help myself. We both miss each other and love each other, but so much has happened and so much damage was done, it just doesn't seem fixable. And it's hard to push thoughts out of your head that just suddenly pop up. A song, a TV show, or a place can trigger it for me. It's very painful and it seems like it will never end. I keep hearing it will so I'm waiting. I wish you the best and I hope you feel better.

I completely agree, I am having a difficult time not talking to him and wanting to know what he is doing. We have 2 children (15 & 16) and I know that I should limit my contact but it is so hard. I keep thinking that maybe he will realize what he is losing and want to come back and then the next moment I don't know if I could get back with him even if he wanted to because of how bad he has hurt me. I I wish I could not worry about his feelings but I still care what he thinks and feels. Even though it doesn't seem like he cares about me. I don't know what it is going to take for me to accept that it is over.

I know how you feel :) I am in almost the same boat! Me and my now ex were going through a separation, I thought there was hope! She had told my mom that there was and we could talk. Now she is saying she has someone else, she is in love with him..all in 4 days. I am happy, sad, exhausted, tired, mad...all in the same day! This is always the hardest part I know.