Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
.... the last little fragment of respect that I had left for my ex husband.
And that saddens me a bit.
Its taken me 5 years to heal and let go and to do so in a compassionate and caring kind of way.
And now the compassion is gone. The last shred of respect, out the window too.
It isnt replaced with bitterness, or hatred, or anger.
Just apathy.
He has been home on leave for almost 2 weeks now with a promise to see his only child.
No phone call
No explanation
Not even a Hello How Are You.....after months.
Nothing.
And now he goes back to war in 2 more days...doing what he does best... ....destruction.
I dont think he is human.
And that saddens me a bit.
Its taken me 5 years to heal and let go and to do so in a compassionate and caring kind of way.
And now the compassion is gone. The last shred of respect, out the window too.
It isnt replaced with bitterness, or hatred, or anger.
Just apathy.
He has been home on leave for almost 2 weeks now with a promise to see his only child.
No phone call
No explanation
Not even a Hello How Are You.....after months.
Nothing.
And now he goes back to war in 2 more days...doing what he does best... ....destruction.
I dont think he is human.
Looking through his eyes, and though I am not in those shoes, I do know of what might be in his thinking. He might be thinking this
"Though I have brought a child into this world, I was not meant to be a partner with this childs mother, I could not give what she needed, nor can I presume to give what the child needs. Failure at best, my feelings for my flesh and blood are strong, yet I shall not make this childs life any more miserable than I already do."
40+ years ago my Uncle gave in to divorce, the union had brought forth 1 child,she was 2 when the divorce became final. 14 yrs later, that girl came to know of her father, he was not dead as she had been told, he was not a villian as had been widely accepted. She sought him out, they bonded, and each and every summer they grow as Father and Daughter, I hoped this would be my path, as of now it is not.
IMO, your X has made a path,that only he can follow, and in time as your child grows, questions will be asked, and your X will be forced to answer. Hopes and prayers he is man enough to face those questions.
your feelings of disdain for him are just, a loving mother will never idly stand by, while hurt is inflicted on their child, as with all things, time, will IMO make this situation more and more palatable.
I'll also say that I have known some people that lost contact with their young children and just didn't know how to start it up again. And so they didn't.
If and when he's out of that war, you might want to think about whether you want to take the initiative and arrange the contact. You're the mom, you know your child the best. You'll know if he can handle reinstated contact, or if the chance of repeated rejection might be just too much.
In any case, this is on "dad". It's his moral duty to maintain a relationship.
Hugs.
First, my ex lives 800 miles away. I was ready, willing and able to do just what the court order states, and drive him halfway there. My ex didnt want to drive while on vacation.
Secondly, in many ways, this is kind of a sigh of relief. I dont have to worry about my ex drinking, drugging, or watching porn in front of my kid.
The rejection, the lack of care or concern, or parental abilities that are continued to be shown..thats what gets me. And not for ME....for my son. I see and feel his pain. Thats what gets me. I have a beautiful and amazing child who deserves so much more, yet is continually affected by his father disease. I hate it.
I smile, I grin and bear it, I bite my tongue. I never say an ill word about him in front of son. And never will. But Ive lost the shred of respect. In many ways I feel as if this one takes the cake. My ex told me when we were divorcing that I "could have him, he didnt want him" yet always fights me when it comes to his visitation time. Its about power and control, i guess.
Im going to let this one go. He wont be back until Christmas, so we will see what happens then. Thanks everyone for your input, i appreciate it. Dealing with this makes my brain hurt.
If he continues to do this.....
Or walks away?
When the child becomes an adult and has witnessed the childish antics of his parent, or the reasoning behind those actions, then the bond is solidified or gone. JMO
You know what you need to do in terms of not ''preparing'' your son for his appearance in his life but be ready on short notice.
On a non-emotional side, I hope you have documented your willingness to meet half way, per the court order. If not send a matter of fact, no emotions email to document complete with dates and summary of conversations. You never know with addicts what they are going to do in the end.
If you could use a hand editing, I am here to assist.