Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
but I am not so sure now.
The reality of what happened last night just hit me.
I told my husband to go: This is his second affair. His previous affair was 8 years ago.
For months I lived in a dark world, wondering why he refused to have anything physical to do with me. I tried many times to talk things out, explained my need to be loved like a wife.
He said nothing was wrong, he will try harder. Eventually the hand-holding felt so fake that we gave it all up. It dawned on me: was history repeating itself?
2 days ago he admitted to a new woman. ‘This is not a fling, I love her’, ‘we have a connection’......
His plans?
In his own words: ‘I love my family, I will not leave my family, I want us to be status quo.’
I agreed on status quo hoping that I can win him back with family warmth and love.
I asked if status quo could include him staying away from her and working on our relationship together. He said I was pushing him to a corner and that if he has to choose, he will move out.
I compromised but requested that he will not ‘bring her into the home’ by blatantly texting her in front of me. He agreed.
Last night in our son’s room, he was busy texting. We exchanged looks and I knew. I reminded him of our agreement and he said I was ‘in his face’.
I tried to snatch the phone away from him and we ended up struggling. He was stronger. He gave me a look filled with hatred and stormed out of the room shouting ‘this is the end’.
I went out to our bedroom and started throwing piles of his clothes into the living hall. I told him to go ahead and leave. He took his luggage and packed and left.
All the time, my 13 year old son was watching and crying. I explained the situation to my son. But I think the trauma of this will follow him for a while. I blame myself for handling the situation badly.
I am now up, after barely any sleep. I know I have lost my husband for good.
I start having doubts - maybe I should have ignored the texting? Maybe I should have been more patient and work on my original plan of slowly winning him back?
But the thought of living with a man whose values are so different, who has no respect for God, for his wife, his son. A persistent liar and cheat. A man for whom I have lost my respect....
He has always twisted things such that it becomes my fault. I am sure he would be saying that I was violent, I threw him out. Does he mention that it happened because of his affair?
I have given enough.
Despite the affair, I calmly took him back. Despite his refusal to stay away from her, I continued to live as a family with him.
I guess it will never be enough for him.
So here I am, seeking support as I continue with this lonely journey of ups and downs.
I have taken a step of no return last night. I now need the strength to take the next few steps forward.
Help me, please.
Expecting love, intimacy and commitment from one's own husband is not being unenlightened. You deserve someone to be head over heels in love with you. That would never happen if you accept the half-life your husband offered you. It's extremely disrespectful. It makes me wonder if he has been doing this off and on all the time. I hope you checked for std's. I know that sounds awful but you never know who all he or she slept with and you need to protect your health.
You're stronger and wiser than to fall for the deal he's offering.
My son has been looking at me for cue and I was trying to keep it all together to assure him that we will be ok. I think he has seen enough tears for now.
But are things really ok? I am so weak, Gutted. Despite everything, I am still pining for him to come home.
He texted this morning to ask if I wanted to talk. I put up a brave front and replied that we should give each other space though in my mind I was begging him to come back to me in whatever terms.
My heart is broken. I can’t stop crying. Will this ever end
That is not a marriage. That is no relationship at all. That is just one person exploiting the feelings of another person. There can be no love there.
It is supposed to be hard to walk away from him. But if you cave now and ask him to come back, it would not be anything more than submission to his will. If you truly realise that he no longer has the love to give to you that you want, and you rightly deserve, do you really want to submit to him?
I believe that a person is never burdened with more than she can bear. So this will pass too. The intensity with which you miss him now will ebb with each passing day. Yes you will be sad for some time. And then you will be happy some day when you have moved on. But I don't think you will ever be happy if you allow him back into your life on the conditions he put.
My ex wife cheated on me online and for real. I cannot condone adultery, when I was completely faithful to her. She would sit in our livingroom while I was sleeping and talk to her ex husband on Facebook. She left me without warning and I divorced her. Its as simple as that.
In your case, your husband is a real piece of work. He doesn't appear to care how much texting his shack up in front of you hurts you.
Do yourself a favor, get a lawyer.
It is Day 4 now. No doubt I still have my weak moments, knowing that he is just a phone call away. But I realise I cannot seek comfort from the one who hurt me.
I still cry over it but I realise it is not about whether he will leave the woman for good. It is about whether this marriage will work again.
Everybody is right. It was not a proper marriage from the start. I cannot change my husband but I can change myself.
My daily focus now is to learn to be independent and be the best mom I can be.
I have fixed up a session with the same counselors who saw me and my husband 8 years ago. Guess it could be a closure now.
Trying to find someone to talk to my son. It is just not healthy for him to be watching my meltdowns, hear my rants and angry prayers.