I have been in the position of your wife in the past, and realized I made a mistake and wanted to try to fix it. Have you talked to your wife about how you are feeling? Also counseling can help you work through this. My ex held on to the judgement for years even though we went to counseling to try to work through it. We did end up divorcing in the long run, but not because of this. We just realized we were two very different people. About a year after the divorce he disclosed that he never really got over the hurt and he apologized as he said he didn't give me the chance to make things right again as he always had these negative thoughts. I tell you this as I want to help. Don't hold all the pain inside of you. We are all humans and yes we will all make mistakes at one time or another. No, that doesn't make them right, but it helps us realize that we all do make mistakes. If you are truly wanting to try to get through this and try to keep your marriage, you may want to see about counseling to see if that may help give you some closure, if anything for your own piece of mind. My best to you and your relationship.

being cheated on myself i know exactly how it feels and to tell you the truth it has been 6 years now and i still have zero trust I am just now learning i have to let go bc I cant go on with someone i cant trust he has never been sincere about an apology and just tells me its the past and i cant live in the past but some people cant get over an affair my to young children know about this and I feel horrible about it but they overheard us fighting about it plus the fact that he was not coming home until the next day I have finally told him im done its not fair to either of us but he acts like I'm joking it is hard to get trust back if you think you can do it go for it but i could'nt and wish i would of followed through with the divorce wish you the best of luck

Thank you both for some really good advice. All in all I want to be happy and I want my kids to have as normal of a life as they can. Its tough when the person you trusted so much betrays you

My final realization (which took me a long time to come to) before deciding to divorce was simple:

No Trust = No Respect = No Love = No Marriage

How can you remain married to someone you don't trust?


I hope you and your wife are on the same page and both are agreeable to the divorce. My husband kept his head in the sand and didn't hear a single word I said to him for the last 9 years about how I was unhappy and how our marriage was not a marriage. This kind of denial makes for a very contentious divorce. I hope you don't have that issue. As far as the kids, be as honest and age appropriate as you can. You don't have to talk about the affair, you can simplify it to say that you grew apart and it's no longer a healthy relationship. IDK, my kids were 16 & 18. One wanted to talk right away, the other didn't, it took him a year to come around and talk. Just don't force them to accept and understand. Or ever be happy about it. It takes time. Be strong for them.

I was married 14 years together 24 years. She had a affair about 3 years ago. Broke my heart. I could never really forgive her and our relationship went down the toilet. We are separated now. It's hard breaking up nearly killed me but the longer I am away from her the more I realize it was not worth holding on. It's difficult being in a relationship knowing that you can't trust your partner and it turned into a toxic mess. I drank way to much trying to numb the pain but in the process I became mentally abusive. Not good. We are only separated for 2 months now so there is still a lot to get over. Take it easy.

Just found out that she has had yet another affair.... and is still with the guy. FML for even ever believing the lies and BS she was feeding me. I am so done with all of this. I'm seeing a lawyer this week. Any advice / pitfalls / what to do, what not to do / what to say, what not to say. Our kids still do not know but I have requested that she leave the house tonight. I dont want to make this ugly but I feel that its not going to be all sunshine and puppy farts. Its really not anger that I feel, I feel stupid for ever letting her do this to me.

None of this is easy, my ex left after he asked
for a divorce to be with his friend. He moved out
In a big huff, i told him no dating or going away
while he Was still a married man. He moved over
To his mothers.

He was mad as A hornet he had to be the one
to leave. He could Have stayed and not dated:)

Some still live in the same house even with
Cheating ongoing until the divorce. I am glad
We didn't, it would have gotten really ugly once
We started the financials the gloves came off.

Its hard enough if there is no other partner out
There when divorce is on the table.

We both had lawyers, some do a mediator/lawyer,
Some two lawyers, some one lawyer they can only
Represent of of you legally. You can do it yourself
Too.

Every state has different rules and regs, most are
No fault, longer term marriages its 50-50 split and
maybe Some alimony or maintance. Children add
More layers of figuring, many have 50-50 now it
Seems.

I would get into therapy and join a divorce care group
To help you thru this and with the grieving and divorce
process. Its still pretty intense time no matter how many
affairs she had, HUGS

My wife had an affair roughly 8 years ago. We tried counseling. We tried sweeping it under the rug. But the hurt and the lies eat away at you. For me, I could have dealt with the affair. I just couldnt stand that she lied to me. Would never have told me had a friend not stepped in. Only when faced with her friend telling me or doing it herself did she own up to it. I liked how Jojored phrased it: No Trust = No Respect = No Love = No Marriage. .

This represent exactly how my marriage has been. As much as I wanted to trust her, and I have tried, I just never could. That meant I lost respect for her, and lost the love she needed.

We are physically separated just shy of a month. I don't sleep much, so we have essentially been separated for the last several years living in the same house.

We have 2 awesome kids (under 10), and for now we have just explained that Mommy and Daddy needed to take a break. I filed last week, and she is supposed to be served anytime this week. Even though I feel like it is the best course of action, it hurts. It destroys you to tear down something that you built little by little.

Not sure how old your kids are, but be sure to be there for them. Be there to hang out, to talk on the phone, to hug them every chance you can. It is amazing how fast you miss out on their lives. That is the absolute worst part for me.

Don't beat yourself up too badly. Love is blind. We trust with all that we are, and when it is gone, I dont know how you ever get it back. I wish I knew, and I wish you luck.

That's the worse part. The affair takes away pieces of who you signed on to be!

I stayed, we have boys. I've convinced myself they needed their daddy.

Now I accept that the simple truth is, I've been holding on to him but he's never held me on the same way....

So now I'm here to help myself move on. I just miss me so much more now.

My kids actually need to get to know the happy, confident, fiercely adventurous mommy.

I'm stealing from them, he blew it. He doesn't deserve to have it all.

I feel like a fool, an idiot, one of those pathetic needy girls.

And, I don't owe him that. All he gets from me is to honor my son's with the only truth between us!!

Our children are the best thing we've ever done! They where our best forever choice and I would never change our choice.

Shame some people are their worse enemy. I'm heartbroken now, he'll figure it all out later....