I am so very sorry you are going through.
You are young and deserve to give yourself and your kids a happy life.
One of my favorite people always says you can tell a persons future actions by their past actions. you break up and he eventually convinces you he wants to work on things and you go back to him--
he then goes back to his old ways.
He is only giving you lip service, with no intention of working on anything.
You are still young. Please don't waste your time on him.

I found this post you wrote and you said for 15 years you were full of tears and heartbreak. You and your kids deserve so much more. He would have to at least pay child support if you divorced.

You don't really miss him. You miss what you were hoping was a happy ever after ending, but you won't get that from him.

You posted,

"I am having a very difficult time and really looking for support. I have been married for nearly 15 years most of which I have to say have been full of tears and heartbreak. We have 4 kids (14, 12, 11, and 8). He has cheated and left me on more than one occasion. We have always managed to get back together but never really working anything out. Well true to who we are, 9 months ago he left me again. For the first 5 or 6 months we barely talked and he barely saw the kids. I filed for divorce in January. He started coming around more and finally taking the kids on his weekends."

I wish you the very best!!!!

I was married for 9 but we were together for 15. Even though my ex cheated I still missed him. You may find yourself remembering the good times you had. You will really need to try to see the bigger picture and remember everything he put you through and remember why you made the choice you did. I too remember wishing time would just go by so I could finally start to feel better. It was a slow process, but I noticed the biggest change around a year and a half later. Since then it has been getting easier every day. I think a part of me will always miss him, but now it's manageable and I can live my life.

Thank you for the comments. I have really been trying to see the bigger picture and remember everything he put me through and not just the good times. My kids and I went out of town for the 4th. I was very reluctant to go because I was afraid I would just miss him the whole time because it was our first family vacation without him. However on the 4 hour drive when I started missing him I thought about our last family vacation and how selfish he was with his time and barely helped with the kids and I was thankful to not be dealing with that. It actually made me put a smile on my face. I know when I really think about it I am wat bettet off and I am grateful that my relationship is over but its still difficult.

I am similar, married 10+ years, he cheated etc..etc.. been apart 4 months and it does feel like a roller coaster at times, but remind yourself that you are worth more then second best, you are worthy of honesty and integrity in a partner. Remind yourself with you feel down that you are strong and he is the one missing out and you will find someone who appreciates you and is faithful. Look back and be thankful for the good times, and learn from the bad... It's ok to miss him, he was your number 1 for 15 years! that is a long time. But look forward to the adventures that life has ahead of you!

Small steps are still milestones. I'm glad you were able to express your feelings and aren't a hot mess. You are making progress, and you need to focus on that. When you feel sad or miss him or lonely, look back at where you were 10 months ago and revel in the fact you have come so far.

As for missing your ex, I don't know that that necessarily goes completely away, especially when you have children. I left my ex, I've been separated/divorced almost 3 years and there are time I miss things about him, but I don't miss the unhappiness I had with him. Your missing will eventually change, and it will be bittersweet rather than heartbreaking, but it is different for everyone.

You stay on the path you are on, and you will get there, but no one can tell you when. It is different for each person, but you must do the work to heal and reach that point, and it sounds like you are. Keep the focus on you.

I think a year and a half is about right. I'm 16 months now post dumping and while there are moments of sadness it's not debilitating anymore. It's just a new reality. But it takes time. Mine was a 24 year relationship so I didn't expect it to be a quick heal, but the first 8 months or so was hell. It's definitely getting better and quite frankly I'm enjoying not being in a relationship. Just focusing on me and my kids (they're older so easier ...I am thankful she didn't pull the trigger when they were younger)...but overall I don't miss the stress and tension we experienced the last few years.