First off, I don't think that you wrote anything particularly terrible. True, it's not a particularly amicable email, but you're hurting and you've been left for another woman - you can't be expected to be the calm voice of reason all of the time.

However, if you're concerned that this might make things more difficult for you going forward, you can always send a follow up. Something more neutral, that explains without apologizing. 'Your reply to my initial email surprised me, and I regret that I wrote my response in anger. I would like for this to be as amicable as possible, and will do my part to try and keep things moving smoothly. I hope that we can continue to work together on this.'

But if that doesn't sound like something you'd want to do, then maybe just take a step back, let things settle down, and then approach him again once you're in a better headspace. It sounds like he needs to take a step back and calm down, too. Nothing will be decided today, so let yourself breathe and process before you worry about what will happen going forward. You've got this!

First of all, you didn't ruin anything. He's lucky you're willing to resolve things amicably considering his actions. I think Sara is right that this is a good time to take a step back so you can both calm down. Nothing needs to be decided right now.

Sarasalt, I sort of did what you suggested. I emailed back saying that I did not intend to upset him with my email just as I'm sure he didn't intend to upset me with his comment about being sick I then suggested that we both refrain from emotional comments and focus on doing what is best for our son.
I'm just afraid his OW is pushing him to play hard ball, which is something he on his own would not do as he is normally very passive. Oh my- if it wasn't for this site and all your support, I think I would lose my mind!

First rule of separation.....try to keep your emotions out of it / in check!

In the other thread, it was pointed out to you that what he does with whoever, should be none of your business vice versa. Now I know some people struggle with this, but the more you focus on the matter at hand as opposed to the distractions, the better.

Imagine you go to court and start bringing up the other woman, his lawyer and the Judge will only have to tell you once that it's irrelevant to the case, and the more you go on, the more the judge will get pissed off at you and see you as the irrational one.

I tried to reason with my ex by asking to sit down and come up with a separation agreement at the time, but her friends were telling her otherwise. I had her served and it was only then that things got moving. In the end, she ended up with less than I had offered at the start.

We never did go to trial....but went through the family court stages and stopped short before trial when she came to her senses.

I really hope to avoid court - neither one of us can afford it. But I really need the house. My son has autism and a move would not be good for him. I am not willing to share the house as I don't trust his financial decision making, let alone his personal ones. I have ample evidence to support his lack of ability to manage money so the only choice is for me to have the house. I'd be concerned that he would get himself into trouble and force me to sell when I'm not ready if we maintained joint ownership. I have the money now, I can do it now.

@tcl.....what you want and what the law says, are two different things. The other party can get a judge to force the sale of the house, in order for you two to divide the proceeds 50-50.

A good lawyer or argument will convince the judge that another house can be had

he doesn't want to sell either, but he wants the house. So the options are I buy him out, he buys me out or we sell, which neither of us wants. He wants to continue to own half the house - I live here with our son and he moves back in after were are gone. Problem is my son is autistic and may never be able to live on his own (my ex does not involve himself in therapy or school stuff and does not understand this) my ex does not have the capacity or desire to care for our son, I will be living here with him until we see how things go. So from my perspective buying him out of his half of the house is the only reasonable alternative.

I didn't want to move either. I had designed this house and have my heart in it. Fortunately I was able to afford to refinance and pay him. It wasn't pretty either way because he still feels cheated. But I am still in my home and it helps. Sometimes some sadness when I see certain things that remind me of him but I am home. Don't beat yourself up for saying something off key in the heat of the moment. I did just a few days ago. It happens. Heart doesn't always talk to mouth. :) Be well.

Thanks digone. I too have my hear in this house - I stained all the trim and finished the hardwood floors as we built. Remember sitting up late in my living room with my son when he was a baby, falling asleep on the couch. The house is a comfort to me - I kept it up, I did repairs - he had little role in that. It is really my house.

I don't think that you screwed up. You expressed anger which is healthy. Having an amicable separation, divorce is an internal thing. You have not way of knowing how the series of events will turn out.